I have done 3 Free Reiki Fridays since I have started my practice. I started it because I wanted to get more experience and find a way to introduce Reiki and what I do to people/potential clients. I have always been a one-on-one person even at parties, so I decided instead of sending out a big Reiki blast to all of the participants, I would work on each person individually. The con to this is that it takes a lot of time (several hours) if you have a list of 50 people. but the pro is that I get to connect with so many different and amazing people while gaining a ton of invaluable experience. My lists have all been comprised of close friends, old friends, and people I know through Facebook, and then complete strangers...oh and my mom. She loves free Reiki. Prior to doing Free Reiki Friday, I knew I could could connect with those who have transitioned, but for the most part it was faint and experimental. Like I was able to connect with one of my friends who had passed and a few family members, but it wasn't easy, clear or whenever I wanted. So there I was with my list and working through each person on my list while jamming to the likes of Thelonious Monk, Duke Ellington, and Coltrane. I was halfway through the session I was giving to someone who happened to be my friend and suddenly my Pandora decides to play the jazz standard "Someone To Watch Over Me". At first I was going to skip the song because I didn't want the singing to mess up my concentration, but something told me to listen. The energy was flowing strongly so I didn't contest, I simply listened. A pretty standard session was changing dramatically as I felt tears starting to flow from my eyes. I felt so much love. My hands felt guided to go outside of her field and in my mind's eye I saw flashes of a man. I instantly knew it was her father. The song seemed to be in slow motion because each word sung had such a deeper meaning than ever before. I continued to cry involuntary. It was weird because I could tell we didn't speak the same language as I could actually feel his message being translated. It was truly heart to heart communication and my tears were joyous ones. I usually prefer a laughing fit over tears, but this time I took the tears with grace. His love for her was flooding over me as I absorbed his message. He came through so strongly. It felt like he was waiting for an opportunity to reach out to her and there I was. If I had been playing around with communicating with our ancestors and loved ones before, that time was undeniably real. It was such a beautiful experience for me as I truly wasn't expecting it. It felt like time stopped and I stepped into an entirely different dimension. I wrote down the notes from her session and went to the next person on my list. The show had to go on. Later I sat down and wrote to her about what I experienced. She replied in gratitude. I can't be sure if she believed what I wrote, but I know she had to feel it.
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Bruno again? What can I say? He speaks to me...and this morning I woke up with this song playing in my head and its been playing all day. I have never been into those Bonnie and Clyde, ride or die, or me & you against the world types of songs. I always thought it was all a bit unnecessary. When I first heard the beginning of Grenade, I skipped it. Immediately I discarded it as one of those songs that I had absolutely no interest in. I saw it as Bruno's way to get young women to scream and pass out at his concerts and teenagers a song to cry to after their first heartbreak. Today I am feeling a little different about it. I have no choice since it is on replay on my internal jukebox. I see this big explosion and I wonder if the pain is even felt. I see this person in complete surrender to the moment and I watch in admiration. They stare their torturer in the eye, feel everything, and ride each pang like a wave until it takes them under. See this song is a song that they (the lover) would never get to sing if they went all the way through with it, this undying love. Is it because he hasn't had the chance or is this an conditional song about unconditional love? If it is love, limitless love that he is giving her, then how did it run out? There he is at her doorstep unloading all of his "love" and I see her picking it up to place it in the trash right after she removes his breaks so he can't stop this love giving. She then proceeds to beat him up at the door until he is black and blue. Next she gets the gasoline, a match, and burns him alive. This is a sad song, but love is energy and energy can't be destroyed. Right? Of course I am right. I learned that in public school science class. Therefore, death doesn't end a life and love is limitless. You don't stop existing and furthermore you can't be held. With each death is a new transformation and a new adventure. Does this mean it is time to take a bullet? No, silly. We experience small deaths everyday. As we make new choices in life, forge new paths for ourselves, dream new dreams, a little piece of us dies to create new life within. When I heard this song this morning, it was after a dream I had. In the dream I was talking about how I didn't want to be trapped into being a singular way. Here is this guy singularly directed to the object of his affection saying he would die for her and I thought what if he really did. What if he went all the way? And if he represents unconditional love that is inherent within us, what if she was bold enough to go all the way? Now we have a Romeo & Juliet scenario but it is still intriguing. What if you were willing to give it all up to yourself? What if you were willing to have a death within? What would we transform into? Well we wouldn't be trapped in singularity. What does the song of unconditional love, death, and transformation sound like? I am listening for it. My first in-person client was a family friend's husband. He had been experiencing a lot of neck pain that he couldn't seem to relieve despite all of his varied efforts. He knew nothing of Reiki, but he told me he was open. I did my best to describe Reiki over the phone but I could tell he still didn't really get. I have to admit I was nervous in explaining it. How do you explain how a non-physical force positively affects the physical world? I didn't know the "how", I just knew it worked. Nonetheless, he continued to emphasize that he was willing to try it and was open. He was an ideal first client and as nervous as I was to know that I would be putting my hands all over the body of someone's husband, I knew there were no mistakes. We set our appointment and I promptly began my celebratory dance after we hung up.
Our appointment was set in the evening. I had set up the living room as a welcoming healing room. My Reiki table was dressed with a fresh sheet, I burned incense, Reikied the room, and charged my crystal grids. I still was very anxious for his arrival, so I Reikied myself, meditated, spoke to my guides, ate some food, and took a shower. By the time he came in, I was ready. I used my phone as a timer. We scheduled an hour long session for $40. We first began with what some call psychic surgery. In this technique, I use rhythmic breathing and funny movements to remove any blocks that may be present. It is a great way to clear the auric field and prepare the client to open and receive Reiki. It is also pretty fun to do due to the dramatic movements that I end up making. After I was finished I asked him to lay down and relax. When I was taught Reiki, both the client and the practitioner remained silent throughout the session but he was very talkative. Maybe he was nervous, well I think we were both nervous as we listen to our stomachs bubble and sing. Instead of encouraging silence, I went with it. Why not? He was a great conversationalist, so am I, and I felt the energy flowing through my hands so I knew it wasn't impeding the work we were doing. It became interesting because as I moved in different sections in his body, the topic of our conversation changed and as he finished speaking about the various subjects I would feel guided to go to a different part of his body. I did more listening and focusing on my work than speaking, but I made sure to stay engaged with him. Even though I knew he came for neck problems, I found it interesting that the first place I felt guided to go was to his feet. His neck was one of the last places I went. As it is said and experienced, whenever you give a Reiki session, you also receive one. I definitely got a great session. Even though he didn't know much about Reiki, he was a very spiritually conscious person. I found that as he opened up, a lot of what he was releasing was great wisdom for me to learn from. An hour is a long time with a stranger, so I found the more I was open to him the faster the time went by. After I left his neck, I noticed there was still 15 minutes left. I scanned his body again and once again I was at his feet. I felt the energy flowing through my hands stronger than before. It came as a shock because I assumed that it would be winding down, but I went with it. In this way, Reiki is always teaching the practitioner. From his feet I went to his hip and then I felt strong guidance to go to his other hip. He expressed that he experienced a hip injury in his youth. As I was at his hip, he asked me how did I know where to go. That was when I really started to open up. As I spoke, I felt a great amount of wisdom flow through me and color my words. I listened carefully as I spoke. The energy continued to flow strongly and I found tears wetting my cheeks. My heart was wide open. I truly didn't know why I was crying as I wasn't said. In many ways I felt I was crying for him, helping him to release pent up emotions. The session ended as the tears dried. He got off the table and said he felt like a brand new man. To both of our surprise, all of his neck pain was gone. We exchanged hugs and thank yous and he gave me a tip. After he left, my excitement exploded. I danced, jumped, and ran around the house full of energy. I was in a state of complete elation and gratitude. I remember years ago I had this pivotal conversation with my "first love" in a restaurant after we had been broken up for some time. He wanted to get back together but for me there was no way. I loved him deeply, but I couldn't be with him. Midway in the conversation, he asked me in his southern accent, "Are you really going to walk away from all of this love?" I remember looking at him blankly with disbelief and apathy behind my eyes as I remembered all that had transpired for get me to that place. For us, all possibilities had been exhausted in my heart and mind, and I had no more to offer. I listen to this song and think about that time, that feeling. Deep down I wanted a reason to be with him. I wanted something to forgive. This would have been the song for that time, but somehow it wasn't in my rotation. I am writing about it now, over a decade later, and from an entirely different point of view. So what is the deal with this song now? As I look back with wisdom, I have always been my first love even when I didn't know it. Sorry homie. I sometimes need reasons to get up out of my bed, cook, work, move, but I don't need a reason to be me. I don't need a reason to love myself. I would tell that girl sitting in that restaurant that you either love and trust without reason or not at all, but first you have to direct all of that love to yourself. Lately I have been having a lot of conversations about love and trust with friends and this is the song I tend to hear. I asked my friend not so long ago why does she trust her husband. She started to look for reasons. I asked another friend, who is afraid to open their heart to someone else, if they trusted themselves. They said they did and then I asked why. They started to look for reasons to make their case. As they did this they realized they didn't always trust themselves. They were trick questions in a sense. Trust rooted in love needs no reason. You never need a reason to love or trust yourself. If you can do that for yourself, you can love someone else in the same way. The hesitation we feel is that we want a guarantee. We want to know we won't be hurt. Love is your guarantee. Luther sings that he never knew he would be standing alone and outside with no one to love. Really? Is there a shiny car around, a puddle, a window? Because all you have to do is look in the reflection to realize you have someone to love. It is time to love yourself. Open the door to your heart and step inside. Sit a spell. All relationships begin with the one you have with yourself. Love without reason, trust without reason, and walk faithfully in love. You can't control someone else nor should you want to unless you want to be controlled as well. You can't make someone stay. You can't make someone honest. But here is the cool thing: real love is on an entirely different frequency. Look in the mirror and realize that you don't need a reason to love yourself and you will feel this frequency. Love is your guarantee. This song, where do I start? *laughs quietly*... This is a fairly new song for me. It is one of those Stevie Wonder songs that I never paid attention to. I have an ex who really loves Stevie and in conversation about love and heartbreak he suggested that I listen to the song. The Ex, like me, has a knack for being a little dramatic with his song choices so I knew it was going to be good, but not this good. Oh Stevie. He truly is the master of songs about love unrequited and getting dumped or should I say getting "dropped". My first listen I rolled my eyes, my second listen I sympathized, and every listen after that just makes me smile. Is my heart cold? I mean, this man got dropped from about a half a mile from heaven and it makes me giggle. She took him up in her rocket and then dropped him. That's cold, right? *laughs*...Nah. You see, I had to look at the full picture. She sounds like a lovely woman, amazing really. She has her own rocket ship and sounds well traveled equipped with the knowledge on how to get to heaven. She is your typical Superwoman equipped with looks for all of Picaso's eras and moves with all of the grace of Bach's Sonatas. Intelligent, sweet, poetic, this lady is an angel. AH-MAY-ZING! So here is the thing, he got dropped, but if you listen closely, he didn't go empty handed. She gave him a star to keep him warm as he came back into the cold, cold world. This proves that she is also generous. This begs the question: What really happened? Where did the spark go? Stevie says he doesn't know why it happened, but I'll tell you. This amazing woman liked a nice guy... the kind of nice guy who doesn't have his own rocket ship. He is great at complimenting and saying how wonderful she is, but doesn't seem to offer much except company. Here he is in her rocket and isn't offering rocket fuel?!?! What?! He isn't taking the wheel or rubbing her feet. Where is his Rocket? No one questions this except me?! It sounds like she is doing all of the work and he is just paying her compliments. Flattery doesn't fly rocket ships Stevie. The real problem is that she realized this a little late in the game. She realized she was on her way to heaven with a guy who hasn't developed himself. He wasn't ready for heaven yet. She has it going on, but she needs help, a real partner who has done the work and took the risks in learning how to fly. Heaven isn't her destination, it is a part of her journey. This guy clearly couldn't fly on his own and tried to hitch a ride. She looked at her fuel tank and saw that fuel was running out and she did the calculations and realized she needed to release some weight if she was going to make it to heaven. Sweetly, she found him a star to help keep him warm on his journey before she chucked the deuces to him. The result of this wise decision is this song. Stevie sings he would not do what she did to a dog. She wouldn't either. She probably wished that she took a furry companion instead. After this song I hoped he took some time and gained some gratitude for what she did for him. Sure he didn't get to heaven, but she showed him the way and there are so many on the ground who haven't even come close. Lesson: If you want to get to heaven and beyond, develop yourself. Don't put it all on someone else. Learn to fly your own rocket and meet that lovely someone in heaven. Your other option is find someone on ground and learn to fly together. No matter how you slice it, you will get there on love, but it begins in you. Oh and humor helps...it is like a turbo boost. :) So I thought I would have a bit of fun with a new series called Love Insights. I have always been a bit of a relationship/love counselor and I have definitely gotten better over the years due to my own journey. I don't know about y'all but I always have a song playing in my head. There always seems to be a song for the occasion, especially when it comes to relationships... So I have decided to offer my insight by the songs that seem to pop in my head when I am in these sessions. I hope you enjoy... First up: Locked Out of Heaven by Bruno Mars Hee hee hee! This song started playing in my head recently and I won't tell you why. Let's just say I understand, I really understand. Speaking of heaven, did you know that in Hebrew my name roughly translates to Heaven or the firmament? Go Bruno with your little man self! I like this song; it speaks to me. In this song he realizes that it is possible that he has been locked out of heaven. Why is that? I say it is because if you are having sex solely based on physical pleasure you have completely missed the point. You have indeed been locked out of heaven. Oh what? What is that you say? Swimming in my world is something spiritual? Hmmm. Is sex a spiritual experience? Of course it is, but the real question is: Do you know how to do the spiritual alchemy to make magic happen? As much as I appreciate this cute little guy, I'm not convinced by this song that he does. It sounds like he is completely afraid to open his heart to this heavenly women but doesn't mind being in the midst of her magic. What a waste! Awww, it looks like Bruno is sleeping on the power of spiritual alchemy with that closed heart. This happens often, but no matter how casual you try to make it, there is no way getting around it, sex is a spiritual act. And what does that mean? Spiritual? Even Bruno (like most people) flirts with the concept in the song. The term spiritual really describes our non-physical reality. Magic is when the spiritual world manifests into the physical world and animates it with all of its glory. Your very presence on this earth is evidence of magic. I mean, sex starts in the mind a.k.a. nonphysical reality first. <---- *coughs* magic *coughs* When you are having sex, the real action is happening in the spiritual world. The amount of energy that is generated during sex is off the charts especially if you are open. You are literally creating worlds, heavens, when you are bumping your beauties. The problem is that most people create in the spiritual world and then attempt to wash away the realities they created for reasons of shame, misguided concepts of sin, delusion, and the list goes on...or they just turn a blind eye to it all. *shakes head* In Bruno's case, he can see paradise and that is where he stops and gets lazy. What brings your creations into this physical reality? What is the fuel? Drumroll please......emotions. Anger, sadness, peace, and fear will work, but love, oh love, is the good stuff, the stuff crack and molly wishes it was. See that is what is missing from this whole equation. The beat is awesome and has a nice build, there are even grunts in the background, but just like the song ends, so does he. If he took the leap into love we would have an entirely different song: Think a transcendent Marvin Gaye like 10 minute track with layered background vocals delicately programming your subconscious mind to strip down naked and plunge into a sea of ecstasy to retrieve treasures only found at the bottom. You see only love could take you there. Only love would give you the courage to dive that deep. Only love could give you the push to come out of that water whole and completely transformed. Bruno ain't talking about that. In conclusion we have a man that gets that sex might be magical but isn't talking about how they should use the energy that they have generated. He gets that he has been opened, but hasn't described how he is going to use those emotions. He will get on his knees but isn't diving. What a pity! Ladies, it's cute and complimentary to know you have the gates to heaven, but in this song that is where it ends. I would tell that heavenly woman to chuck the deuces if he isn't talking about alchemy. What are they creating? Don't just talk about how great it is. Make some magic happen! Dive deep! If not, what is she bringing into her world through her lovely gate haphazardly? Hmmmmm. Maybe she needs to think more deeply about what/who she opens her legs to. <<<<<I've got a post for that. Now I will go back jammin! You can't love anger away. Trust me, I know because I've tried...and this comes from the woman who loves love. You can open your heart to anger and give it a place to express itself but you can't push it away. Anger is one of your gifts or tools to navigate this experience and true love is about acceptance. As I have said before, emotions are our fuel and anger can take you to a wonderful place if you know where you are going.
I know some people who can't seem to get anywhere and are always in some type of pain, be it emotional or physical. They carry their pain like a badge of honor or pity, yet they seek to do nothing about it other than look for a quick fix in pain relievers, drugs, alcohol, sex, and the lists goes on. Suppressed anger is usually the culprit for the pain they experience because they lack the courage to express it. They are afraid of their own anger. Some suppress so well that they never feel obvious pain, but they do have obvious weight gain. In my observations, large stomachs belie this more than a big booty. Suppressed anger shows in their plastered smiles, darting eyes, and loud lies. Nevertheless, the pain comes eventually and so does the disease. Your body is the last place it shows up, never the first. In my previous post simply entitled Anger, I spoke rather poetically about my experience with my own anger. I talked about being chased by my anger in the form of a ferocious canine-like animal. I didn't talk about what I did next, in the midst of all of the fear of being torn to shreds by this hungry beast who seemed to be tracking my every move as if it knew my next steps before I did. First I must say that at some point I decided that I would no longer be afraid of the "darkside" and so-called negative emotions. I long found that humor is my greatest weapon but now I wield it with great tact. In the end, I had to do what was logical; I stopped running from the dog thing and I gave it a job. Just like children and pets who act up when unattended or unoccupied, anger can be easily useful and darn near pleasant to be around when you give it something to do. I first assessed its qualities. It is extremely powerful and is a marvel at destruction and demolition. If you could have only seen the ruin it left in its chase after me. Part of me wanted to say, "This is a bit much, don't you think?", but we didn't have an open dialogue at that point. I also noticed it had a bit of a sense of humor after it got out a lot of its aggression. It has a beautiful smile. With all of that in mind, I employed it as my "go to" pal when I need to tear down blocks and perceived barriers. An added bonus is the humor that follows a job well done. I so appreciate its jokes. They are cynical, silly, sometimes demented, and always refreshing. To summarize: When I express my anger in a productive and strategic way, new opportunities open for me and life becomes even more hilarious than it was before. So ask yourself: How do I express my anger? If I gave my anger a job, what should it be? How do my emotions work for me now? Where do my emotions take me? I may be just writing this to myself, but I will share this with you all anyway. Over the recent weeks I took a step back from everything to look for clarity. I do this from time to time. I limit my social interaction, reading, writing, work, and anything else that I deem a distraction. For me, everything had become muddled with opposing views and internal conflicts. The journey of self is like a constant revealing and just when you think you have something figured out, a new bit of information is added to the mix forcing you to reconfigure your previous calculations. Maybe I should stop trying to reach conclusions. Maybe there aren't any problems to be solved and the very act of trying to solve the problem is what causes the problem that never really existed... I just read that I titled the post "Anger" so I should get to it. The funny thing is what I have done so far is the perfect illustration of how I have been addressing my anger. I work so hard on an explanation that I forget I was angry. Kind readers, use your imagination and see this next paragraph as the first. I am angry about a lot of things. If I had to describe what my anger looks like, it would resemble a black ferocious canine-like creature that when it gets really angry bulks up like a charcoal gray hulk. This androgynous hulk dog/wolf has the strength of 8000 pitbulls and the hunger 5000 packs of wolves combined. I keep it chained up, but it broke free recently and it started to hunt me. My cat-like abilities and uncanny talent to search out steel doors and high ledges have allowed me to allude it, but I have a feeling that it knows exactly where I am. It's hunting me, finding the right time to take its reward. You see, every time I seek to dive deeper into myself, there it is growling and baring its teeth. I hiss back with explanations and someone distracts me with heart shaped candy corns. It watches me sap up the unbearable sweetness as a new muscle tones in its jaw. I search for cake and it searches for me. Dun Dun Dun Duuuuun.. I have had too much cake this time. That ultimate muscle has been toned. I saw it when it happened. I heard it when it said enough was enough. I ran when I saw the chains break and the cage completely shattered. I tried to negotiate with dog-catchers. No one would help me because this is my journey. Here is a confession: I have always had a strong disdain for the phrase "love and light". Oooh it irks me to the bone. Oh man, I don't think I could describe enough how much I can't stand those words together. Recently in an email exchange, someone said "love and darkness" and I felt my heart smile and inside I sighed, "Yes!". "Love and light" always sounded incredibly pretentious and a like a huge gargantuan LIE. Most of the people saying it from my observations seem to be saying it as a hope and not a reality. I say deal with the reality. You know good and well you aren't all about love and light so be real and say so. I know I am not. I am all of it. If I am the oppressed, I am the oppressor. If I am the beautiful, I am the ugly. If I am the shit, I am the flowers. If I am the light, I am the darkness as well...And if I am the articulate, then I am the foul-mouthed, so fuck "love and light". <-----Maybe that is the dog in me. If I am the hunted, I am the hunter. One day recently I went to my local "Water n Ice" only to find it stripped bare and deserted. The scene reminded me of those old movies when someone left their car in a bad neighborhood and came back to a completely stripped car. The store was totally cleaned out. At first a small wave of surprise came over me and then it quickly shifted to acceptance of the inevitable. I knew they weren't going to make it and sure I would like to credit my psychic powers, but I didn't need my third eye to foresee this one.
I first started going to the store when the new owners came in at the end of the year. The owner was a fairly young guy with an old school fro and a nice smile. He was very kind and even gave me a discount on the the bottles I purchased. He had a repeat customer in me. He told me about how excited he was to start his own business and I was inspired because I as well was starting a business. Things seemed to start off great for them. Him and his charismatic brother ran the store and though they put in long hours they seemed to be pretty optimistic. But eventually I found myself preferring to use the 24 hour water machine outside and avoiding their store hours. So what happened? Well great customer service turned into lazy customer service as they added new employees who seemed confused about why they were there. Each new employee looked like they were just taken out of a meth rehabilitation center with the original clothes they went in with. Every time I went into the store, it had a funny smell of corn chips mixed in with stale cigarette smoke. Eventually, probably after a few gentle complaints, it smelled like air freshener, corn chips and cigarette smoke. My water was near all of this. Yuck! The old, lackluster signage, which I often examined, looked like they didn't make any attempt to attract new customers. Nothing about the design of the store was pleasing to the eye. They could afford a big, useless, flat-screen tv, but not paint. Water n Ice is a place known for its ice cream as much as it is for their water. When I was younger I used to save up my allowance for a butter pecan cone. Somehow they made their ice cream look absolutely unappealing because they looked so grungy. I'm vegan, but well-presented ice cream and groomed people can at least bring back good memories. I feel like they felt the water and ice cream would sell itself. In fact the owner kind of told me this and clearly he proved himself wrong. Almost every time I came home I would tell my mother about the slow decay of the store. She told me to offer them advice, but I found that the owner was very resistant so I left it alone, and after awhile I didn't see him anymore. The biggest problem with this store is that it seemed to be the antithesis of its product. No one, and I mean no one in the store appeared to have an intimate relationship with water. They would often wear poorly fitting attire in black, gray, or faded colors. The place felt dirty even if it wasn't. I never saw evidence of dirt, but I could feel it in my pores, through to my bones. I couldn't understand how they missed this concept of clean, fresh, purified water. How do you sell water while drinking a big gulp? How do you sell water with ashy skin? It was the weirdest thing. So there I was, in need of water, looking into a shell of a store with a sloppy handwritten sign that read, "closed". On my intelligent phone I found that there was a water place up the road a bit. When I got there, I felt an immediate difference. There were hearts in the windows. They had cute tables and chairs for people to enjoy their ice cream. They were closed so I had to use the outdoor water machine. It was less convenient because I needed coins but when I tasted the water, it was sweeter. It was truly sweeter. I share this story because it served as a powerful lesson for me. If you are going to offer a service, you need to be and show that you are a recipient of the service you are offering. People feel and even taste the difference. I supported the old store because I wanted to see them succeed. They were nice guys even if they were a little misguided but eventually I found myself avoiding them. I also learned that it is important to be open to guidance. There are people who want to help but if you act like you have all of the answers, you shut them out. I would have suggested that they invest in uniforms and better signage. I would have also suggested that they tighten up their hiring criteria and change their lifestyle as much as possible to reflect the product they are selling. These simple suggestions could have made a gigantic difference on their business. So just so you know... I practice Reiki every day on myself. Anything that I suggest you do, I have done with lots of success. I do spiritual work all day and night and always look for new lessons to learn so that I may be of greater service to my clients (such as this one). I meditate daily. I am in a great love affair with myself - so when I tell you to love yourself, it is because I know how much it has changed my life. And as I learn how to grow a business, I am open to suggestions. If you have any, shoot them my way at kikicinza@gmail.com. My recent addition of pricing suggestions on my What I Offer page was in direct response to my clients saying they needed a little help. AND I drink lots of water, though not as much as I would like. Now that my water is sweeter, I am sure things will change. No matter what your business is, it all comes back to you. Don't push it because you think it is a easy sell, do it because you LOVE what you are selling. You may say this is common sense but sometimes we miss these lessons chasing after money or being caught up in the stress of life... If you sell tires, have the best tires on your vehicles. If you speak of joy, be prepared to show and prove how you are joyous. If you sell water, look like you use it. If you sell health, be and look healthy. If you are an healer, heal yourself. If you are a teacher, teach yourself. If you are a sexual master, master yourself sexually. I woke up one morning last week to a lovely text from a dear friend which resulted in an even more lovely love text fest later. Her text reminded me of how much I have grown over the years. There was a time when that kind of exchange with someone I called a friend would be unheard of or unreceived because I was afraid to open up in that way. When we first became friends I was going through a big change in my life and I wanted better relationships with my friends even though I wasn't quite sure how. Until that point, I was in what felt like accidental friendships that violently collided a long time ago and no one ever managed to get checked out for injuries. We just kept doggie paddling in a sea of ignorant dysfunction littered with mangled emotions and shark-toothed egos.
When I thought I lost one of my greatest friends to suicide years ago, the shift began in me to look for deeper and richer connections with those I called my friends. It is weird to say I lost him because I don't feel that way now, but it is still true. I lost him to what we call mental illness way before he made his transition. However, I did get him back. He continues to come back to me now, his true essence unmarred with the personality known as him or the illness associated with him, the true essence of who he is and who we are. There have been times when I thought he left me as my ever present spiritual guide but I have learned what has left are my notions and misconceptions of who he was in physical form. He reveals his true self to me now slowly and I must admit sometimes it is hard for me to accept. Why?... because I want to be right about him and all the ways I judged him. It's my ego really and I do the same thing to myself. It can be hard to see past all of the fluff, walls, and drama that people have around them and some don't want you to. Some might say it is just my selective memory of him and I will allow them to say that because I know better. I ask you to open your heart and have enough vulnerability to allow someone to reveal themselves to you and then tell me about selective memory. Why would you need to be vulnerable you ask? Well...the moment you put down all of your defenses that you have built up over time to "survive" this life so do all of your prejudices, as prejudices are just protection mechanisms. I say he reveals himself to me slowly because he moves as fast as I do, despite my fantasies of radical transformation. He shows me who he is as I let go and become more honest with myself. It is in those moments I understand how deep our connection really is! When I think he is gone and instead he shows up with a greater beauty, a greater lesson, and a greater love that I had only glimpsed when he was in physical form. I have experienced countless deaths of the ego and mourned each one of them. It's the oddest feeling. I will feel sad but mushy and loving all at the same time. With each death my relationship with myself gets deeper as I reveal myself to myself, and my friendships have begun to reflect that depth. This has also meant that I had to release some friendships. This was a hard lesson for me since I have not always made friends easily. It meant I had to let go in order to let in what I really wanted without any guarantee that I would get what I wanted. I have had to step out with faith and heart. I won't dare tell you it has been easy for me to do that. Nope, not at all. I had become so emotionally intertwined in these friendships, sometimes feeling like it was my job to ensure their sense of well-being. Their problems were mine and I had to fix them. I found as I started to put the focus on myself and started fixing myself, the dissonance in the friendships grew from a whisper to a bawl. Once again I felt the loom of death, an event I have grown to appreciate as odd as it seems. Sure there is sadness but there is also love and overwhelming peace that blooms within, purifying all of the madness that seemed to be a mystery until that moment. Maybe I have described the process of acquiring wisdom. My last post about relationships greatly affected me. (Yes, I read my own blog.) I started to see all of my relationships differently, especially the one I have with myself as it determines all other relationships I have. Every stride I have made with myself shows in the wisdom I received. Today I will say, there are two aspects of us, the personality and the true self. Our personalities are like the suits we wear to navigate this terrain and our true selves are us in all of our naked glory. Sometimes we find it easier to only see ourselves and others in our suits. Getting naked is often out of the question. Well I am different now. I just want to get naked and see others naked. I remember being 11 years old in acting camp, we were traveling and had to shower in public showers. I hated being naked and washing in front of my fellow theater folk. It was miserable. Fast forward to a Korean Bathhouse in the recent past and I was more than happy to bare it all and let someone else bathe me. It was joyous. Wisdom. Overtime as I have grown, the lessons my great friend taught me continue to reveal themselves. He didn't judge people, a skill I work everyday to master. He loved people even when I thought he was setting himself up to be hurt - so I am learning to love fearlessly. He didn't do anyone's work for them, but he offered a helpful loving hand, and so I am learning to not carry others' burdens. Since he spoke well and honestly of all of his friends, I baptize my tongue every morning. I can say now I have managed to attract really loving people into my life. I can also say I have acquired the wisdom to let go of those who can't get naked with me. I challenge myself everyday to befriend in love and not my ego, fear, or loneliness. Fearless friendships, that's the journey, love is the fuel...and it all begins and flourishes from within. 10 years ago he and I graduated from college together. He from Morehouse and I from Spelman. It rained on the Morehouse green just like it did this year, but I was there to see him walk as my hair threatened to change its appearance with joy in my heart. Later I went to get ready for my own time to don my cap and gown knowing he would be there. When I went to find my family after commencement, there he was, the first person I saw, with a expression of glee and my headscarf around his neck. He uncharacteristically picked me up and swung me around in an embrace and emotion that seemed to propel us out of the confines of time, our suits, and the gaze of our on-lookers. I think only he and I really understood that moment, our embrace, our nakedness, a celebration of our friendship and all that we overcame to be in that moment together. Now go find a friend and get naked. ;) |
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