These past two weeks have been quite a challenge for me (in a good way). I am at the point where I feel the game changing and expanding. So tonight, I will not use my usual post format and instead keep these two week's sessions notes on each individual person to myself. When I started this project I knew I wanted to work with 5 people and after a few people inquiring for the 5th spot, I finally found someone last week. I affectionately call her Coco because I was drinking chocolate milk during our first session. Last week was my first session with Coco.
Coco's addition to the group is proving to be that necessary link to what feels like a chain of transformation. She is someone who teaches me faith, surrender, and patience. In these last two weeks this work has become real. Tears are flowing, truths are being faced, and I am being stretched. I can see and feel the journey now even though I don't know the destination. Talk about faith, I'm filled with it. I have to be.
If it wasn't clear before, I have learned that this work can't be rooted in my ability to hold a conversation or to listen to people's problems. I set out to see the efficacy, magic of this divine energy flowing through me and that is what has been so hard. I am forced to surrender to the unknown so that I can be of greater service. I have to make a choice to let my intellect and even experience be secondary to the real work. At one point as I listened to one of my participants thoughts scatter and jump from one point to the next, I asked my self if I could help her. I had just made a video about the "Healer's Journey" expressing that I won't be able to help everyone and there I was possibly faced with that situation. Before I got too far into doubt, I asked my heart the same question and I heard that voice say, "You can...It'll take some time." So I continue on, digging deep, rooting myself in my heart. I tap into my love-flow and just go.
Self-love is the foundation to most of the work we are doing. It can be heart-wrenching to guide people on this journey and see how difficult it is for them. I vacillate between cheerleader and coach while maintaining honesty. I wont let them get away with being complacent or lazy because love isn't. As almost everything in life, it all seems to boil down to love or fear. In everyone's stories, fear brought them to the hospital, the meds, the diagnoses, and further away from themselves.
The fascinating thing is seeing how even though everyone in the group have never met each other and probably never will, they are all linked. One person's experience informs the other. What's happening is truly a community effort. All of our appointments are divinely timed, even when they are late. More than before, I find that my dreams cover territory that seems specific for the work that I am doing with them. Yes, I am even working when I sleep. In my personal life, I am finding that kind souls have showed up helping to guide me through this process along the way.
When I say I am proud of the people I am working with, it comes from the deepest place in my heart. Pride isn't the best way to describe it even though my chest feels so full. I am grateful.
2nd Session with Ginger
Ginger is a cool lady. She has a hippie in the city vibe and I love hearing the experience in her voice. Late last week she treated me with an audio recording original poem. It was a part of her homework and hearing it gave me chills. She had an eventful week involving an intense panic attack, a brief stint in the hospital due to heart issues, and even a breakup. When she told me, nothing flinched. If she could see my smile on the other end I wonder what she would have thought. I was excited for her. She went through a pretty dramatic time and came out of it. I made sure to point that out to her. In her session we talked a lot about love. I was focused in her heart center for the session. It felt like it had been recently burst open and there was a major excavation. It looked like a cavity or a canyon with red and darker colors. I felt the energy flow through my hands into her heart and as we talked I felt the area slowly getting clear. We got so caught up in the conversation that I didn't realize the hour was up until I felt the energy no longer flowing, I then looked at the clock and realized it had been an hour. I love how that works. She does guided meditations so I encouraged her to create on for my funeral prescription....actually it is her homework, including going further with part last weeks time travelling homework. May Ginger do it all in Radical Love!
2nd Session with Raccoon
It is only fitting to have a session where you talk endlessly about death when you are working with a Shaman. And what a great time it was! We talked a lot about learning to go through the grieving process with the events in our lives. She said her homework gave her the courage to make space for herself. How awesome is that? Our session was really a chatty session. We learned a bit about each other and bonded a bit over the joys and wonders of the relationships between mothers and daughters. Mostly the theme of our session was about simple joys. Sometimes we think of heaven as this ultimate paradise full of joy only to be experienced after we have made our transition. I asked her to consider the moments that we find joyous with the intent to possibly see why we choose to have this human experience full of contrast. Somehow I managed to use a Korean Drama (You Who Came From the Stars) in this session as an example of enjoying the simple moments. She shared a bit about her personal life and a relationship she was exploring. Since her daughter was coming into town I told her I would let her daughter handle the straight talk and I would just send the energy over. Overall she felt really clear in her energy. She informed me that she felt good and replenished. Her homework was to note at least 7 things or moments she finds enjoyable.
3rd Session with Pearl
This week I started to begin to address some of the challenges she brought up and that I observed from our previous two sessions. In the session with Raccoon, she said that these sessions will be like peeling away the layers and I agree with her. So with Pearl I began the process more consciously. Before the session I found myself getting two separate bags of chips to munch on to ground myself. I suddenly started to understand her a bit. From there I started to write a list of foods for her to try to help her ground and let go of some of the weight she was carrying: root vegetables, ginger, and apple cider vinegar. Pearl is an empath and the challenge for a lot of empaths is learning to distinguish their feelings from others and learning how to work through their emotions. Exercise is very helpful in that.The storyteller in me came out as we navigated the tapestry of her life, well when is she ever not present. Sometimes I am surprised how the things that I have done in the past can help someone else. I find that with Pearl her challenges are the basic ones, finance, work, family, and health, but I also see that they can be easily ameliorated as she begins to step in her power...And she is very powerful. Because of this, I will keep on pushing her to be more creative. Beautifully she seems just as eager to do so and wonderfully I know how to help her through if she feels a block along the way. She told me she finally got her name for her spirit guide and I was so excited for her. I called her a witch. I want her to be okay with words like "witch" and "crazy" so that she feels free to be who she is. Her homework was to create a spell without any outside help.
2nd Session with The Wiz
After the first session with The Wiz I knew that if we didn't work to go within, we were going to continue to bounce around without ever getting to the root of our work together. We started later than the scheduled time and I found myself unusually subdued. Prior to his session I only wanted to relax and listen to a really mellow song. It all made sense when the session started because it was my way of bringing him down so that I could guide him through the meditation I had planned. We chatted casually for about 15 minutes before the energy started to flow within me. Once it did, I began to prepare him for the meditation. I put on my red shoes, turned off the lights, and took him on a journey within himself. He ended up on a stage. He described feeling so much love and a feeling of connectedness to the audience. I found it interesting that even though he is a musician he never said he was carrying an instrument while on stage. I guided him to explore the environment more. He took that opportunity to embrace the crowd. We stayed in the crowd for a while. He then invited important people to him into the experience. I found this to be the most fascinating because this was when he started to gain very important wisdom. Throughout his session I saw so much purple. I saw a purple haze over everything he was experiencing. When I asked him what colors he saw, he said red and orange. Later he said he was seeing purple as well. When he got what he came for, he went back to his starting point. I usually guide people through a grounding process after the meditation to anchor the experiences and to make sure they are balanced. Because he is a very airy person, I decided to work with his nature and create an entirely different grounding process using the sky as part of his foundation. Purple rain also was a part of it. His journey was all about opening and nurturing his creativity. I was happy to hold the space for him to begin to solidify how his passion for music and creativity shapes and unfolds in his life. From the meditation I think we both felt the universality of music and how it connects us to greater truths of who we are. It was a very calm yet powerful session. His homework last week was to create an original song. As I listened to it, I felt a tingly vibration in my throat. It was very healing. His homework is to do the meditation coupled with the grounding process again and write what happens. I also gave him a list of songs to listen to throughout the week.
Week 1 with The Wiz
Usually I like to write these reports right after the session, but I needed to sleep on it. My last session of the week was with a fellow that I will call "The Wiz". As with everyone in this study, The Wiz seems very familiar to me. The challenge for me was figuring out why he felt that way and why I needed to sleep on it. He is a Army Veteran and has had the diagnoses of anxiety, depression, adjustment disorder, and ADHD. Unlike the other participants, when I asked him of his current state he responded by telling me he was in a pretty good state. Although anxiety is a part of his life, he has it managed pretty well and he is currently not taking any medications. When he did take them 5 years ago, it was only for a 2 month span of time.
At a few points in our session, I wondered why he wanted to participate. He seemed like he pretty much had everything he needed to live a pretty good life. Sure he had a few challenges, but don't we all. The fear that causes breakdowns didn't seem present either, but there was something. There was something that made me look deeper. I found that through most of my session I was telling my personal stories. I even used the analysis of a dream I had the night before. I was using my life to relate to him. I use this technique when I am helping someone open up. I give a little story to open up some doors, windows, and closets within them. In most cases I will tell one story or two, but with him I was a Reader's digest.
Prior to his session, which I messed up the time for again, I felt a tightness in his stomach. I saw a deep red color narrowing into a reddish brown. I felt it had a lot to do with courage and I got the message that for him his stomach is like his heart. He really resonated with that message. He told me a great story about his childhood. We talked about him pursuing his passions, planning for the future, and possibly working for himself. His homework was to create a original composition. We also talked about facing fears to witness miracles. I felt like we covered so much territory. We were totally vibing and feeling good about ourselves. He even taught me about more about astrology after his session. High vibes, high fives, and unstoppable strides, we were doing it up. But still, in the background there was something that was nagging me. He wasn't trying to, but The Wiz was pulling the wool over my eyes.
I went to sleep and visited OZ. It was the kind of sleep when I wake up every few hours from an intense dream followed by a deep thought. On any other day I care little for astrology, but since it is important in his world, I understand it is real for him and since I am working with him, it is real for me. The second time I woke up last night, I started to remember all of the Aquarius men I have met. They all had stomach issues, buried their emotions, and had a very pronounced sense of spirituality. Their spiritual understandings were very important to them, but I found it did little to actually help them heal. This is because they have a way of floating around delightfully in the varied concepts. Because of this they are very pleasant to be around and for someone like me, it gives a false sense of security, meaning I think they are grounded in spirituality when it is actually quite the opposite. You see the issues, or past pains get pushed into an compartment and they float in the world of beautiful concepts that they have constructed for themselves. The Wiz floated with me last night and it was fun. Moving forward, I am realize I am going to have to get in his belly. Next week I am wearing red shoes...because I should at least look good while doing it!
It was amazing day of breakthroughs, storytelling, and high vibes. I have a feeling that with each week that passes by my level of amazement will skyrocket. In one of my sessions, I was asked if I had ever attended a NA or an AA meeting. I hadn't. She went on to say that when you sit in just to listen to everyone's stories, you can find that the pain that so many experience isn't really unique. Everyone has a story. In my sessions, I am working to show the other side of pains and fears that seem inescapable.
1st session with Raccoon
I went on the wild side with Raccoon today. It was our first session and like the previous sessions with other clients we had our times all mixed up. The session went on as planned...on my end. The whole thing has made me a very trusting in Divine timing. Everything happens when it is supposed to happen.
I read her energy before the session and felt she was curious, open-minded, and ready. As we started talking I quickly found out she was a shaman and level II Reiki practitioner. Whoohoo! How exciting! She has been diagnosed as having bipolar depressive disorder and PTSD. Currently she is taking meds and I wonder what that will mean for our work together. She describes her mental health as unpredictable. She became interested in Shamanism after her first breakdown. The first thing I noticed was that although she was a shaman and walked in both worlds, she had a hard time with death and transition. Sometimes we get into spirituality to have a greater understanding of death but we forget to honor the transition. In releasing and accepting the change we open ourselves up to greater possibilities...and I am pretty sure I conveyed that message to her in some way.
As I scanned her energy I was attracted to what felt like her descending colon. Once again I received another message that she needed to release. This time in a blatantly obvious way. I saw a cool green surround that area and I let the energy flow. The words, hope and cope, came up on our session and my heart said "nope". I don't feel like hoping or coping fit in the life of someone who is living in their fullest authentic expression.
After our session, well like right now, I am realizing that I want to see people at their fullest expression while knowing they are loved and appreciated. I really want to see people be in their greatness. My feeling is if we can pull of all of the layers of what we think we are supposed to be and just be, amazing things will happen. No hoping or coping, just being. We talked a bit about my Ancient Hawaiian connection and I have a feeling that our work together will explore it even more. Raccoon is bringing out some deeper aspects of me and I like it.
Her homework was to conduct a few funerals of her own. I am sure the eulogies will be amazing.
1st session with Ginger
Prior to session I felt that her body felt very dense and that she doesn't spend a lot of time in her body. As we talked she confirmed my reading and I spent the whole session working to clear it. As she released I felt her energy field become more and more clear. Ginger has been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, severe anxiety, PTSD, and agoraphobia and is currently on meds. When she descibed her condition she said that everyday was a major battle and it is like "a monster waiting for you when you wake up." This has been her life for at least 7 years since her diagnosis and breakdown. The words she used to decribe her current feelings were depressed, scared, and hopeless. We talked about hope. I told her that i would rather she knew than hoped and then she in formed me that someone once told her that hope can be an addiction as well. I couldn't have agreed with her more.
Ginger also had a drug history, but today I talked with someone who has been sober for 29 years. To speak to her and hear her stories of her abusive childhood and diffucult life, I was honored to be able to hear a intelligent, compassionate, and creative woman present and resilient with me. We talked about how inportant it was to be creative and express our talents. We talked about how misunderstood creative people can be and because of it get titles like "insane", "bipolar" or "mentally ill". She is a writer, a saxophonist, an aromatherapist, and more. I was surprised to hear a woman of some many talents feel like there was nothing left to give. But depression is like that, it fogs your view to your own greatness. As she talked I saw myself as a clarifier and deep sea diver working to bring up her gifts to the surface so that she couldn't deny them. By the end of our time, I think it worked.
Since she was diagnosed she has been experiencing flashbacks and recovered memories. She aptly said that her breakdown was a breakthrough. The only issue is that it can be frightening to relive events that were pushed deep into the subconscious. But I feel if they are coming up, it means you are ready to release it. Because of this, I gave her instructions for a meditation that would enable her to be a time-traveler of sorts.
At the end of the session, I felt overwhelmed with gratitude. We had interesting commonalities and I think that she helped me just as much I may have helped her. In addition to her meditation homework, I also asked her to use her writing skills to be creative. Express, express, express!! I'm looking forward to hearing what she came up with.
2nd session with Pearl
Wow! Wow Wow! My time with Pearl was amazing today. I realize for her it is all about slowly peeling away her old coat of fear. I realized that I have had a great luxury to experience my spiritual nature without feeling like I would be persecuted. In her past she was persecuted and it shook her confidence in herself. I feel today I helped to stabilize it a bit...but we will keep going until it is solid.
Her homework last week was to find who her spirit guide was and to get a plant. She ended up getting a lovely lucky bamboo plant with a woven design. After enjoying her plant, she started to tell me the happenings of the week in her search for her spirit guide. I didn't tell her how to contact her spirit guide because I wanted her to find her own way of doing it. She went online, asked around, and got to searching. She started noticing crows around her and a solitary chipmunk. At one point a crow came flying in front of her window making a big fuss three times. She later had a vision of a man, whom by her description, sounded like he looked like a crow. She described a buzzing feeling in her body and seeing images pass. I listened very carefully because I knew that we had a guided meditation scheduled. As she described her vision, I started to develop an itinerary and list of supplies for our scheduled trip.
The meditation we did is one that I just started using with my clients. I use it for myself often. The goal is find a home within yourself. So far I am shocked and surprised at the consistency for everyone who has done it. They see similar things, and have similar experiences. In this instance, Pearl was met by the Crow man from her previous vision. He laid out a map for her and told her to go to a green colored part. He said she would find what she lost. Prior to her trip I asked her to wear the necklace that was put on her in one of her visions and to carry the key that was given to her. In her description of the stone in the necklace it sounded like it was moonstone. As she sat in front of her guide, the crow man, he continued to urge her to go to the location on the map. I then suggested that she ask him how to get there. He gets up an opens a door and tells her to jump. She was afraid. She stood there for a bit looking at clouds. All she could see was clouds and sky. When she looked down she saw a dragon. The dragon smiled at her. She was surprised, I wasn't. At that point I was crying tears of joy for her because I knew she was going to have a breakthrough. I then encouraged her to jump. She could see that if she did the dragon would catch her. She jumped. He caught her. She landed clumsily on the ground and noted that even in visions she was a clutz. We laughed. She saw a cottage she had seen before and she went to it. With her skeleton key in hand she opened the door to see her Grandmother. She lost her Grandmother in her early teens and it was very hard for her. At that point she joined me in the crying fest. She apologized for her emotion, but I told her she was late to the game. She kept on saying how much she felt loved. There was only love. She was safe. She was okay. I encourage her to ask her grandmother for any messages. She got a few and after awhile she found herself rising above the cottage. I told her to ask her dragon to bring her back. He told her to rest and took her to a hammock.. I felt like I was in the technicolor world with her...always standing at a respectful distance and nudging her along. Finally she came back. I knew we had to ground so together we went through a grounding exercise. She felt her feet get hot as we did it.
Afterwards I told her how she could use these tools in different ways. I was so proud of her and in awe of her bravery. Working with Pearl is interesting for me because of how the energy flows so strongly for me and then it will stop as I move on to the next part. I find myself moving and speaking with the energy in a way that is precise and exact. Her homework for next week is to do the meditation again.