Love Insights: Give Me the Reason by Luther Vandross

I remember years ago I had this pivotal conversation with my "first love" in a restaurant after we had been broken up for some time.  He wanted to get back together but for me there was no way. I loved him deeply, but I couldn't be with him. Midway in the conversation, he asked me in his southern accent, "Are you really going to walk away from all of this love?" I remember looking at him blankly with disbelief and apathy behind my eyes as I remembered all that had transpired for get me to that place. For us, all possibilities had been exhausted in my heart and mind, and I had no more to offer. I listen to this song and think about that time, that feeling. Deep down I wanted a reason to be with him. I wanted something to forgive. This would have been the song for that time, but somehow it wasn't in my rotation.  I am writing about it now, over a decade later, and from an entirely different point of view.

So what is the deal with this song now? As I look back with wisdom, I have always been my first love even when I didn't know it. Sorry homie. I sometimes need reasons to get up out of my bed, cook, work, move, but I don't need a reason to be me. I don't need a reason to love myself. I would tell that girl sitting in that restaurant that you either love and trust without reason or not at all, but first you have to direct all of that love to yourself. Lately I have been having a lot of conversations about love and trust with friends and this is the song I tend to hear. I asked my friend not so long ago why does she trust her husband.  She started to look for reasons. I asked another friend, who is afraid to open their heart to someone else, if they trusted themselves. They said they did and then I asked why. They started to look for reasons to make their case. As they did this they realized they didn't always trust themselves. They were trick questions in a sense. Trust rooted in love needs no reason. You never need a reason to love or trust yourself. If you can do that for yourself, you can love someone else in the same way. The hesitation we feel is that we want a guarantee. We want to know we won't be hurt. Love is your guarantee.

Luther sings that he never knew he would be  standing alone and outside with no one to love. Really? Is there a shiny car around, a puddle, a window? Because all you have to do is look in the reflection to realize you have someone to love. It is time to love yourself. Open the door to your heart and step inside. Sit a spell. All relationships begin with the one you have with yourself. Love without reason, trust without reason, and walk faithfully in love. You can't control someone else nor should you want to unless you want to be controlled as well. You can't make someone stay. You can't make someone honest. But here is the cool thing: real love is on an entirely different frequency. Look in the mirror and realize that you don't need a reason to love yourself and you will feel this frequency. Love is your guarantee.