You know, I never thought I would be writing about this...

Recently it came to my attention that at least 2 boys (now adults) I was raised with as close family friends are now incarcerated for long periods of time. It is hard for me to believe because I knew them in such a different way. When we were young they were nice, talented, sweet, and I wanted them to be my real brothers. Really, I would fantasize about our parents switching out my brother for one of them. One was an awesome pianist and the other taught me how to drive when my mother proved to be too nerve-wracking for the job. They weren't perfect though. Both were a little sneaky and had experiences at a young age that a lot of children don't have. One was sexually active by 11 years old. When I was younger, I thought little of it, but as I got older I realized it was bonkers. The other was stealing and into all kinds of covert craziness when everyone else was spending their time at the basketball courts and telling jokes. Once again, I didn't see the signs of a child in danger, they were just being themselves. As both of them got older, they seemed to get into more trouble, but it seems like their parents never picked up on what was really happening. Like, did they know their preteen son was sexually active? Did they know that their son was drinking their liquor? It is hard to understand how they missed this stuff unless they were preoccupied with similar things or too busy.

The interesting part is that both of these guys came from Upper middle class homes. They lived in big houses, had gigantic rooms, and had the latest of the latest(well at least their parents did). Their parents always seemed to be more concerned with their wealth than their own children. Even though I was never impressed with their parents, I never expected that they would end up where they have. Eventually one boy got hooked on crack cocaine and had a stint as a pimp. I know this because he told me that he really didn't like being a pimp because he didn't like having to slap the girls. I was disturbed and speechless. The other battled with alcoholism starting in high school. I know this because I would watch him drink. I'll never forget how easy it was for him to pour himself a drink in the same room as his parents. Later he shared with me that he was intoxicated when he was teaching me how to drive. Gee thanks!

I am divided in the blame game when it comes to these guys. Is it their parents fault for not paying attention to them? Is it societies way of not caring about their young lives? Is it an embedded coding or behavioral trait in their DNA? Is it their fault for making horrible decisions? They didn't go to jail until they were declared adults so it is easy to say it is their fault. I have seen a lot of my peers make horrible decisions though, not just them. They all can't seem to help themselves. I mean everyone knows crack is a devastating drug. How does anyone become a crackhead in this day and age? Really...crack? And if you saw all of your friends get DUI's, wouldn't you find a different way to be an alcoholic or just not drink? It seems like they are all committing lazy suicide.

What does all of this have to do with Reiki, spirituality, energy work, or my practice? Well for me, working with someone who knows all about this stuff is easy. I have never been interested in catering to or pursuing what I call a sympathetic audience/clientele (people who are very informed about your craft). If I wanted to, I could market myself and my services to wealthy middle aged white people (here in AZ) who are very "spiritual", "open-minded" and "need healing". They would be happy to pay $100 for a session and be repeat clients. For some reason, I can't bring myself to do this...and I have tried to wrap my mind around the notion.  I rather get a nice email from someone thanking me for what I give freely, than to make fairly easy money from my gifts and talents. I don't close the door to it, but in no way is it my priority. Unfortunately, the guys that I mentioned earlier and their families would probably be the last people to come to me for assistance and it kind of pisses me off. What's the point of having this knowledge or this gift when the people who could benefit are the last ones who would read this blog, see my video, or make an appointment? Its frustrating to feel that I can't help the people I care about. This has long been my battle...wanting to help and connect with people who are ignorant to what I do, the people who think I do hocus pocus and boogie woogie, or the people so caught up in the system that they can't see another solution.

I think about their stories and I find myself wondering what happened. What kind of disastrous concoction of life is responsible for these kinds of results? Are they even receptive to help? My instinct is to evaluate, analyze and come up with a solution for these young men to be the greatest they can be. I think, "If I could break that code, if I could find the solution, I could help so many people. So much suffering would end." Some people call this a "hero complex". "Do you and keep it moving" is something they might say. I guess I could do that, sometimes I want to do that, if only to shield myself from disappointment. I do want to know that their battle isn't my battle. For this reason, I promise myself I will only work with those who ask for my assistance and who are willing to work hard for themselves. Then I remember how many times I received help from those I never asked. When you see greatness in someone that doesn't see it in themselves, it is hard to keep that knowledge to yourself. It is hard to deny them your help.

When I was in grad school, during graduate seminar, I remember one of my professors asking me, "Who is your audience?" I thought it was a ridiculous question. In my mind, my work was for everyone. I remember my peers looking like my answer was confusing. Everyone wanted me to define my audience and I wanted to see everyone come together through my work. I can see now that desire within me hasn't changed. I want to see the wealthy lady, the neglected teenager, the person convinced that I am a witch, and the crack addict healing, transforming, and growing next to each other. Maybe that sounds too idealistic to some, but to me it makes perfect sense.

One rule in magick is to have no attachment to the outcome. The magickian does the work and releases it in full trust that their intention will manifest. Call me a magickian in training because I have to crack this code.

There are so many things that aren't real for us. I took a road trip with my mom to Las Vegas from Phoenix last week and I couldn't help but realize how much we take for granted. I thought about the people who spent countless hours making the roads that we were driving on in the middle of the seemingly barren desert. I looked at the electrical lines that spanned for miles and miles and thought about the people who installed them and the people who constructed them. I thought about the people who are responsible for getting the material to make these modern conveniences. Who gets the metal, rubber, tar, and raw materials from the earth? What kinds of animals were they confronted with? What dangers were faced? How were they handled? We take a lot for granted. We rarely know how things actually get done. We barely know how our own body functions.

I was in meditation AKA Kiki Lala Land today and I started thinking about how people are reacting to the Government shutdown. I don't watch TV so I am missing most of the drama, but I do have a facebook account and friends that like to share articles, videos, and memes to help fill in the blanks. When you are "friends" with lots of "spiritual" and "conscious" people on facebook, the perspective becomes really...full. I also use my intuition so I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on the whole thing...to my satisfaction. Some people are really feeling it in their personal lives, some people are empathizing based of the media they are consuming, and some will tell you it isn't real. I am more of an observer in the whole thing. I see all sides, even with the people who believe it isn't real...because it isn't real for them. I get that. They represent the truth of the culture most accurately if you ask me.

We depend on our government, but on most days we don't think we do. For this reason I think the shutdown is great. It helps shed light on the truth of where we are at as a species. As a species we are lazy, lack social skills, and are apathetic. The truth is that if most people were not taxed, they would never help to feed, clothe, and shelter a neighbor in need. How many people who live in heavily populated areas even know their neighbors? Government has been a scapegoat for most of our population to avoid actually being involved in the progression of our species. I am not upset that political games are being played. They can do whatever they want. We have willingly given them that power over and over again. It has resulted in a population that is majorly dysfunctional and mentally imbalanced. It is insane to think that such a small percentage of people can effectively make decisions for the whole. The real fear about the shutdown is that if it were to continue indefinitely, the people of this land would actually have to figure out how to take care of each other and relate to the world beyond...all at the same time. That is really hard when your understanding of each other comes largely from very controlled media outlets, racism, sexism, classism, lack of exposure, and pure ignorance. We have become so distant from each other that the idea of learning to care for each other is terrifying. We have pushed our responsibilities off to a government that has decided to take a nap.

What if people actually talked to each other to find out what each other needs? What if we actually got to know our neighbors so that we could build strong communities? What if everyone knew their neighbors? What if we worked together and shared(and rotated) the responsibilities to make things work efficiently in our environments? What if we took responsibilities for ourselves and shared our knowledge from that process so that others could do the same? What if we actually learned teamwork instead of competition? What if we learned integrity and trust? What if we became sovereign beings who worked together for the betterment of the whole? Don't mind me, I'm just daydreaming over here in Kiki Lala Land...but what if?

A lot of where this comes from is the fact that I have been in great appreciation of my body lately and all that it does for me, automatically. It is our greatest gift! YOUR body is a harmonious, intelligent entity that battles to stay that way at every moment and you are the one who decides how hard that battle will be by your interaction with it. People often say that United States of America is a Corporation, a body. That is interesting. As a body, we don't seem to be too intelligent or harmonious and the spirit(government) that this body holds took a nap. Sounds like horrible communication and quite a sickly body to me. What's even more insane is that this spirit decides how your energy(money) is going to be spent and you are upset that it stopped spending it. It seems like this is a great opportunity to figure out this so called body and how it best can work. After all, your body does its best healing when you are relaxed or asleep. If we are individual cells in a larger body, shouldn't we be working together, taking care of each other? Something isn't adding up. Why have we forfeited our ability to take care of ourselves and our neighbors? Maybe the United States isn't a corporation. Maybe people don't depend on a government to function. Maybe people need to learn to govern themselves. Maybe none of this is real.

Anywho, back to Kiki Lala land, I go. At least here, I know my body is a gift to be honored and appreciated. Whether I pay attention to it or not, it keeps striving to work beautifully for me. I love that in my appreciation of my body I am increasingly aware of how I should use my energy for optimal living. I love that I know that I couldn't have this physical experience without my body. Oh! Did I tell you I live on Sovereign road? I love this place and I can't wait to have awesome neighbors. It just makes sense here.