So I was listening to some Marvin Gaye and... Isn't that how so many of these conversations begin?
Well really, I was in the shower, listening to Marvin Gaye getting my clean on and this idea for a post just popped into my head. They say that prostitution is the world's oldest profession but I truly feel a need to contend with that. I think, no I know, healers have had that same timeless demand. The real question is what were those women doing then in this profession we call prostitution? Much like everything we know now, the meaning and significance of sacred arts (especially sex) have been diluted, confused, and/or devolved. I will share with you something I know from my heart. and you are not required to believe it but take this journey with me anyway. Those ancient women were teaching men to love, truly love and they were treated as sacred. It wasn't their goal to have lifelong customers, it was their sacred charge to give them the tools to be able to truly love their mates and to love themselves. Well that sounds like a healer to me. If we look into Taoism we know that sexual energy is used to heal the body. Check out Healing Love by Mantak Chia if this is all foreign to you. Taoism teaches you to circulate chi aka ki (ReiKI hint! hint!) throughout your body to facilitate healing amongst other things. Essentially you are moving love around the body. Oooh wee! We can also look at ancient Indian temples and see people engaging in Sexual acts. Isn't a temple a healing place? I mean what do you go to church for, to shoot the shit? I am pretty sure we go to these places for healing. So if your body is your temple why aren't you finding ways to get the healing energy flowing? And I'm not talking about going to find someone to bump beauties with because that is a whole other post. I am talking about beginning to recognize how you have the power to heal yourself and that it is truly built in, innate. Reiki anyone?
So back to my sacred ladies of the night...and day... or should I say Sexual healers (thanks Marvin)? These women were the masters of their craft but how about now? Well now you have someone called a sex surrogate. Their job is more aligned with what those ancient women did but now they are dealing with modern issues, sexual abuse, Catholic guilt, Mormon guilt, incest, pornography addictions, etc. They help people begin to feel confident with their sexuality, in the nude. They are like a super hands on counselor but the most important part is that they empower their clients to never come back. Our modern day prostitute or sex worker (as some prefer to be called) is more connected to the addictive consumerism that is pervasive in our society. They want you to come back. There are so many reasons for that but the main one is that they make more money if their customers feel weak.
Kiki, why don't you bring this all together? Oh okay. No problem.
As a healer of the non-sexual variety, I thought about how I want to connect with people and what my goals were in this business (before I took a shower today). I realized (with Marvin Gaye's help) I wanted to be able to really work with people so that they would feel so strong and equipped that they would eventually not comeback (but of course we can still be friends). So let's get it on! I am Kiki, your Reiki Surrogate. Thank you, go within.
All of my posts are related to the direction my Reiki practice is going and it seems like the theme as of late is all about relationships. Take this ride with me as we delve into my mind (filtered through my heart) to get to a bit of what it means to really have a healthy relationship. I have been spending the last two weeks (at least) working to have a deeper understanding of our connection as men and women because the demands of my practice have prompted, no, demanded me to go there. I am convinced that we are supposed to be together, us gals and guys. Our biology has us fitting together like puzzle pieces, sure, but it is more than that. It is in the pull and draw we emit towards each other that goes beyond words and explanation. We use the word "love", but right now I feel it isn't enough. It is the bond that goes beyond breath, sight, sound...into stillness. It is in our ability to create new life. Everything I have written isn't news to anyone I am sure, but I ask you to act like it is. Just do it. I go through this process every time to gain deeper insight; I assume nothing. Do that with me now.
I had this vision of men and women having a party together in some distant desert land. The women crowned in golden headdresses, the men draped in golden sashes, and the mummified corpse of their matriarch adorn in light blue and gold gently watching over the people as they revered her. Her presence got the party started. They had a ceremonial courting dance of sorts. The women would kick out their feet to the drum beat while flicking their wrists as they crossed their chests. The men would dance around the women with their backs to them as their shoulders seemed to lead the direction of their bodies. As the men would get closer to the women, the ladies would further entice by placing their hands on the sides of their face making a bursting like motion. It was a swirling dramatic scene. I sat in all white watching them in awe and wonder. They were so happy and exuberant. Joy twinkled in their mingling and I felt like a kid peaking in on my parents. But then there was a turn of events. The men started to be called away to a duty of some sort. It felt like war, a struggle only they would experience. As the men were disappearing the women kept on dancing. It was like they didn't want to lose the moment, their culture. The kept dancing but the movements, although precise, lacked their previous luster. The men started to comeback but now they were in the background, the sidelines, just watching. The women now danced with themselves. There was little interaction and it was almost like the men were never a part of this once sacred dance. The vision ended.
The first thing that came to mind was the so-called independent women (and men) of our time. What does it mean if it just means you have become accustomed to a lackluster life? What does tradition mean if it is no longer dynamic for the whole? If together they could make so much magic, why not find a way to do it in the new conditions? We create NEW life together, don't we?
The second thing that came to mind was understanding how the individual experiences we have in relationships often go overlooked or ignored. When we bond sexually with anyone it goes beyond the physical experience; you have made a secure connection with that person's energy. That is where the true marriage really happens, but so much of our current culture thrives in ignoring this reality. Without intercourse I can feel the emotions of someone else because I am an empath. It took me years to realize certain emotions were not my own and without emotional intelligence dealing with these mysterious emotions can be crippling and downright terrifying. In a relationship although your partner didn't experience your day, they feel all of the emotional baggage you have picked up through the bond you have made with each other. If your way of being with your emotions is to ignore them or pushed them down, then you have done the same to your partner. There can be no growth together if that's how you roll and there isn't a place for them in your world or on the dance floor. If what they are feeling is beyond the scope of your experience, it means you have to sit down and listen so that you can learn about what you are ALREADY empathizing and work through it together. That is the commitment you made when you were doing all that dancing and legs spreading. You bonded to their physical body consciously and most likely unconsciously to their mental, emotional, and spiritual body as well. A relationship cannot thrive if you ignore this.
I want to say there is a third thing just to keep this going but I don't think I had one. I did start talking to my friends about it, my vision. I told them they were going to help me write a blog and love them to bits, they did. I received both feminine and masculine perspectives because I love balance. What I found in talking to them is the same issue that I have consistently come across, the inability to receive. In so many cases, when one partner is put in a position to fend for themselves (often the woman) they form a protective shield. It becomes hard for them to receive because they have been accustomed to doing everything for themselves, being independent. The shock of acquiring these survivor skills is the same force that holds them into their pattern. The biggest problem is that this act (the holding pattern) isn't done out of trust or love, it is out of fear and and illusion of necessity. So this is the shift that needs to be made. We have to start moving into trust and love. We have to open our hearts and listen to its wisdom and open our legs and receive our puzzle piece (HA!). As we listen to our hearts, we have to recognize the connection we have to each other. Ever heard of the phrase, "Loving me is loving you."? If you really embark upon the journey of knowing yourself, you will also start to see all of your issues that are waiting to be healed. As you love each one, you also extend that love to your partner and then the legs start to creak open a little wider...bit by bit.
I'm convinced we weren't meant to do this life thing alone. Physically you entered the world alone but the bonds you have made along the way go way beyond the human flesh. Michael Jackson said, "you're just another part of me" and "you are not alone". I think he was going somewhere with that. It is up to us to break the pattern. He has to ask that lady to dance and lay out his confessions in his motions (energy in motion=emotion). She has to say yes and allow her body to move with his. His motions are new and different, but she is skilled at receiving this new knowledge, and finding her own rhythm as they groove. As they stay in this flow, they create something new, because that is what they do. They know as long as they have the music, the floor is theirs, and they always have the music.
Open your legs to healthy relationships. Open your legs to greater knowledge of self. Open them up to learning something new about your partner. Open them up to trust. Open your legs to that loving lion. Open them legs to divine partnership. Open 'em up to emotional intelligence. Open 'em w i d e to healing.
When we heal together...
Dear Mother Mamochka Mom Ma,
If you ask me who created me, human me, I never attribute it to some invisible god in the ether somewhere. I will tell you with full clarity that my creator is you. The glory goes to you. There are times when I talk about you with my friends and I have to pause. In those moments, I realize I have the greatest mother on the planet and other planets I am sure. I know I chose you to be my mother. It wasn't an accident or random plan. No, I waited for the right time to enter into this world and I chose you to be the one who would create the way for me to exist. Thank you.
I know being my mother is not the easiest role. I live in a world of dreams and imagination and in so many ways I have asked you to trust something that you couldn't see over and over again. It has been the theme of our journey together and you believe in me in ways not everyone could. With each moment that passes, I seek to bring more from that world into this one and it amazes me that you stand by me, but you do. Even when I have doubted my own capabilities there you were, there as my mother, watching me, listening to me, and reminding me who I am. If there was ever a moment that you said you couldn't, I would understand, because I am more than grateful that I have gotten this far with your love. It has always been my intention that I could show you just a bit of what I see and I know I have done that and I have so much more I want to show you.
One day I looked at my life and took an inventory of all of my accomplishments, my triumphs, my miracles, and I realized that my none of those experiences happened without your support. Not one. Even when I thought I did it all by myself, I knew it wasn't true. Mom you know my heart and understand it somehow. I look at the way you love me and I'm speechless. You never told me what to believe in. You gave me the space to discover for myself. You have never asked me to be someone I wasn't even as you realized you were raising "the princess", "sleeping beauty", "the eccentric", and "the queen" all rolled into one. Some would say I am spoiled, but I disagree, because the work that I do now, where I pour my love into people who are seeking to grow and heal wouldn't be possible without your support...and I think that those who work with me know it. If I am spoiled, then so is anyone who knows me and spends time with me because I love them the way you love me.
As I told you, everyday is Mother's day, but I am happy to say, Happy Mother's day! to you. You are the one that loved me, inspired others to love me, held me, fed me, watched me sleep, bathed me, sang to me, and changed my dirty diapers... and I am so grateful you did. You raised my brother and I by yourself, in a hot desert, with very little help, and constantly created opportunities for us to realize our own greatness. I never saw you give up or say it was too much. You always seemed endless. I now know it is because you are...endless. There isn't a doubt in my mind or heart that I have the world's greatest mother.
Mom, it shocks me to think that there is a soul who chooses me right now and that one day I will be there for her the way you have been for me. Just as your mother did for you, you have taught me well. I know I can do it too, and in my way pass on our family's tradition of transcendent, royal, dreams into reality, magical, unconditional love. You have created the way for me to exist as your mother did for you. I ask you to never think you have lost your abilities. We have free will but a mother's love opens the way for us to step into a greater vision. You are my creator and my goddess. I love you and I believe in you.
This is for the ladies... and the men who truly are in service to us...
The work I do with energy healing is rooted in pursuing and achieving balance. One the most common imbalances I am finding in my work is the balance of feminine and masculine energy in women and men. Women, whether they recognize or not have been in training to be men, and they can't figure out why they are so unhappy or feel so powerless. In my opinion, there has been an all out assault on feminine energy within women and masculine energy within men through so-called societal standards, media, and religion. Since I have a yoni between my legs and two lovely mounds of nourishment on my chest, I will focus on feminine energy in this post.
As I am growing as a woman, I find myself really having to dig deep to define exactly what it means to be a woman. There are great people such as Lenon Honor, Ayida Honor, and Reverend Goddess Charmaine (google them) whose words and hearts have helped me tremendously in truly understanding what this whole thing is all about but it still comes down to me. In my past relationships, I always noted how every guy I dated seemed to be very aware of my power as a woman, but I wasn't. One guy even said, "Women really don't know how powerful they are." I remember listening to his words and wondering what my power really was. Don't worry, I am on it now!
As women, we can pull anything we want into our existence. We are receivers and our yonis are our portal. In some ways we know that, but our culture has taught us that this is also our downfall, our curse. We are taught that our yonis and our sexual energy are only for sexual intercourse and childbirth. We are taught that the power of our yonis can hurt us by attracting men and sexual partners who are only out to hunt and conquer. We are taught to be victims to our own yonis! We are taught as young girls to cross our legs and keep them closed. We are not taught that we can use the power of our yonis to create the most beautiful life for ourselves (beyond childbirth). Well I say, "Open them legs with wisdom and confidence and bring into your world all that you desire!" *in a southern accent*
We are creators. We can truly create life. I feel only those women who are artists know how deep this really is beyond childbirth. Luckily I am one of them, so I learned what it means to nourish an idea and bring it to life. I know the pleasure and joy of shaping and molding one of my creations. I know the satisfaction of giving it what it needs so that it can be divine gift to all of whom encounter it. Most of all, I know the importance of my role as creator and nurturer of life. It is a full-time job and one of the greatest I can think of. The other great one is being in service to a woman who can do all of that. Now imagine if those two teamed up...Straight fiyah!!!
I am writing this today to inspire all woman who read this to step into their womanhood, for real. Yes, I am stirring the pot, your honey pot to be exact. Let the sweetness flow into your life. Allow yourself to receive. Literally open your legs and receive all of the wonderful experiences you can think of that are aligned with your highest good.
Sometimes showing is better telling...
Love...I'll open my legs to that.
Being appreciated for who I am...I'll open my legs to that.
A vegan chef to prepare me delicious meals...I'll open my legs to that.
Multitudes of men who serve, honor, respect, and protect me...I'll open my legs to that.
A castle on the sand...I'll open my legs to that.
A thriving healing practice...I'll open my legs to that.
A loving environment to live in...I'll open my legs to that.
Delicious vegan butter pecan ice cream...I'll open my legs to that.
so on and so on.
What will you open your legs to?
If your balance is off, then let's schedule a session. Together we will get you on your path to truly enjoying womanhood. If you only knew how committed I am to this... For more info ----> Click here. and I WILL OPEN MY LEGS TO THAT!
So many times this week I have been reminded about how I made it to Seoul, South Korea and this morning I found myself giving another person advice on how to get what they want. The year I spent in Korea was pure evidence of the power of love and how I use my emotions to create my experiences. If you are having a hard time manifesting your dreams, use my story to help you make it happen. Love is the key.
Here is my "Korean dream" story...
In the past I had a very close relationship with television. As a child I am sure I watched more TV than most human beings on the planet. I used to love reading the TV guide only to see how accurate I was. I knew what was on every channel. Even though we didn't have cable until 2 weeks before I left for college, I was never one to say there was nothing to watch on TV. When I got to college, ironically, I was one of the few people who didn't have a television in their dorm room. This was the first step in my weaning process, and believe me over the years, it has been painful. I used to love soap operas and watched them faithfully for almost 20 years (I started watching them at a very young age). It was the only reason I learned how to use a VCR to record. As I grew more into spiritual knowledge and knowledge of the self, my attachment to TV decreased. In fact, about 3 years ago, I threw away my television. It was brave move. I was so proud of myself and then I opened up my laptop and started watching Hulu. Ha ha!
The great thing about Hulu was that I had better control over what I was watching and I was reading and attempting to meditate a lot more. So per week, I can say I was watching under 3 hours of TV. Then I became unemployed and all of my shows were on hiatus and I really didn't know what to do with myself. I only watch comedies so my selection was very limited and I managed to watch almost everything in the comedy section on Hulu. I was at the end and I happened to see a show (Playful Kiss) that looked kind of anime-ish but without the animation. Out of curiosity and the absence of options, I watched the first episode. It was fascinating, a full hour long, and ridiculously cute. I quickly researched it and realized I was watching a Korean drama. I was hooked. It was everything I thought television should be, long, dramatic, funny, and cute. I found myself always smiling at the screen. I loved the way they approached romantic love, the sound of the language, and the new culture that I was being introduced to. I became entranced by Korean dramas. I felt like for once someone, no, a whole country totally understood me and what I wanted to see.
One day I found a drama entitled Coffee Prince and it was with that drama, I fell in love, real and true love. I remember calling my friend to make the grand announcement and telling her I was in love with all of the sincerity in the world. It was like I was announcing my engagement to be married. From that point on, I knew I had to go to Korea and be with "my people". Keep in mind I was unemployed and running out of money and unable to pay my rent. I would apply and apply and not get anything. I would get so close to having a job and then all of sudden people changed their mind. Had it been another time, I would have lost my mind, but truthfully, I was happily unemployed. I loved what I was doing. I was staying in the house, only leaving for food(I ate healthily), sleeping on a random schedule, meditating, studying spiritual teachings, talking to the moon, and watching Korean dramas. To an outsider, it would have looked incredibly disturbing, but for me, I was happy and in love. I had lost weight, I was pale, physically weak due to inactivity, broke, and in love. Korean dramas became my way of life and when I had to move back home, the first thing I did was made sure I could watch Korean dramas. I attribute my sanity during that time to my love for the dramas, the new culture that I had to experience, and my developing awareness of myself as a spiritual being.
My awareness of peace and my love of K-dramas kept me going. I would study the dramas and try to learn the language. I read blogs. I would schedule my day around k-dramas. I was totally immersed. When people would ask about me, my mother would tell them I was studying Korean culture, and I was. However, when I went out and was asked what I did, I would confidently tell people I watch Korean dramas. There was no shame. Love is truly stronger than pride. From the moment I fell in love, I knew I was going to Korea. I didn't know how, but I knew I was going. When you can't get a job in your field or a simple job at a juice bar and get fired from a tea shop for not selling enough tea all while having a Masters degree, a significant amount of "f#ck it" comes over you. I was just going to go for what I loved and I didn't care if it seemed crazy or irrational. In fact, during those days, the only time I was unhappy was when I was applying for jobs, now that brought on severe depression, so I stopped that nonsense. One day, one of my mom's friends asked about me, and my mom told her about my "Korean studies" and immediately the woman put me in contact with someone she knew who was living and working in Korea. I contacted him and he gave me a clear and concise blueprint on how to get there in one email. I followed his instructions exactly and in less than a year after falling in love with Korea, I landed in Incheon international airport ready to start a truly magical year. I was home, well the world is my home, but you get the point. It was a very involved process, but it never felt like it because I was moving on love.
So what is the lesson? Well like I told the young woman this morning, if you really want to make something amazing happen in your life, you have to be willing to fall in love. Everything you create in your life, the so-called good and bad, is fueled by your emotions whether you realize it or not. Imagine if you fueled your creations(thought) with love. Love is unstoppable. It will break through all obstacles. Think about what you have done for love, for your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband. Now apply that same love to the things you want to manifest in your life. Can you see what love can do for you? When I met Korean dramas, I liked what I saw and what they had to give and I open up my heart. I was willing to fall in love. I took the plunge, the leap, the risk. When I got to Korea and lived there, was it anything like what I saw the dramas? Yes and mostly no. But because I moved on love, I got more than I could have ever imagined out of the experience. So much more. So so much more. The funny thing is that I haven't seen a drama since leaving for Korea.
Start paying attention to your emotions. How are you really feeling about what you are doing? Start paying attention. Use your habits(non-destructive), personality, and interests to create a love affair. Out of my love affair, I traveled across the world, went paragliding, got scrubbed down by a strong woman, sat in a crystal walled steam room, met amazing new friends, loved the most lovely children, delved deeper into my creativity, discovered buried talents, learned how to swing dance, incorporated more raw foods into my diet, had nepalese food, became more magical, started a love affair with myself, became a Reiki master, started my own growing business ^^, and the list goes on. Working in a bakery for 2 days because I was desperate for a job was extremely hard work, getting to Seoul, South Korea on the wings of love was easy and breezy. Dare to fall in love and see what happens.
Do you need more? Have you closed yourself to love so much that you don't know where to begin? Contact me for a Reiki session at firstname.lastname@example.org and together we will change that.
Say you were in a relationship and you feel betrayed by your mate because they cheated on you with 11 people and they videotaped all of it on your bed. How do you forgive that? You first use emotional intelligence and allow yourself to grieve the relationship and set up clear boundaries for yourself. Next, after you have properly address your emotions, it is time to forgive. As we know, it is never about them. When you are forgiving you are giving YOURSELF a greater vision of what's possible. I feel forgiveness is hard for people because they are afraid to enjoy or want more because it means they have to grow. Many have a fear of growth or change. I know I did. I felt like I would no longer be in control if I forgave. That somehow they won. That is really the ego making everything a competition, not wanting to give up control, wanting everything to stay the same; it isn't you. Forgiving is a great ego killer.
So how do you forgive your porn-star dreaming mate (more likely ex-mate)? In this case, you would create a vision of a healthy relationship filled with commitment, honesty, and trust and you would give energy to that. You get your imagination in full gear and start envisioning or writing exactly how a healthy relationship looks to you. What can come up for people is realizing that they never felt worthy of that vision. They start to realize exactly how they got in that particular situation in the first place. They start to see all of the ways they have been dishonest with themselves, all 11 ways. That is the hard part, because you realize that you also are forgiving yourself (another ego killer). Often times the person you have criminalized becomes insignificant as you have to take responsibility for yourself and your experiences. Then, eventually, the whole concept of truly having a healthy love-filled relationship with yourself isn't so far-fetched. If you go all the way, you may even feel gratitude for that "horrible" relationship that prompted you to fall in love with yourself and to create greater visions to give to.
That is the real power of forgiveness. You give forward so that you can be greater than what you were. But once you get there, to that beautiful land, do you then "give back" to those who are where you were? My answer is no. You realize that you are always growing and learning. The gift of forgiveness taught you that you can create greater visions, greater moments of understanding, greater personal growth. Your growth isn't something that you put aside so that you can go "back". That doesn't make sense and is counter-productive. Instead you know that every person and experience offers you a chance to grow and expand. You realize the world is your teacher and you are the faithful student ever-learning, ever-growing. There is no peak are plateau to reach. Your brother or sister ain't heavy because you are walking beside him.
If you take on that mind-set, who is benefiting from who? Who is less fortunate than who? If you go in an "impoverished" area and see that people who have less than you materially are happy, joyous, and grateful, shouldn't you be at their feet with pen and notebook in hand learning and reveling in their wealth like Papa Scrooge in his money pool. Then you in turn can share with them how they can use their wealth to create their OWN desired environment. You see it's an exchange. You aren't "giving back" or helping the less fortunate at all, unless you consider yourself "less fortunate" as well and why waste your time with that concept. I have to admit, in the past I have been more of an observer and judge than a student and lover, but ever since I started to truly know my own wealth and worth, I naturally began to know it in others. Forgiveness taught me that. Love taught me that. Forgive so that you may give yourself something greater to be greater.
I write about love a lot. I can talk endlessly about love, and being that this is the season of romantic love, I thought I might share a bit about the type of man I love, my kind of Boo-peice. This is for all of you who think women only like a certain kind of man or for those who think that there is no such thing as a "good" man. I am fixin' to create one right now. Don't believe me, just read.
I love a playful man, a man who knows how to have fun in any situation. There is nothing worse than seeing a grown man be serious about everything. Yuck. I find it incredibly repulsive actually. See the man I love has a set of gold teeth on hand just in case we need to make a quick fake music video. He has jokes about preachers, spiritual folks, career folks, and anyone who is a little too serious. He gets me a thong that he knows I will never wear just to dance around in it and make me laugh. He sings me silly songs when I am in the bathroom for "support" and "inspiration". He laughs while waiting in long lines. He will dance slow to fast songs, fast to slow songs, and grind to country music (ow!). I love an imaginative man. I give him a word and he gives me a fantasy. He is friends with the orange dragon that flies me around at night as well. He sees that the sky is red and that the moon smiles. He is always creating something, never without ideas, and full of magical solutions. He wakes up ready to bring something new into the world and goes to bed knowing he has accomplished it. The gorgeous world he lives in, started in his mind. I love a gentle man. His strength isn't in "fronting" or acting like he is "hard", it is in walking tall in his gentleness. His nature makes people trust him and want to be around him and because of this, he is protected. Because of this, he can protect others. Oh and his massages are painless and transcendent. I love an intelligent man. He knows if he starts quoting other people, I will not be impressed (unless it is the late, great Johnny Cochran). He knows that if he is afraid of something and doesn't address it, I will remind him of emotional intelligence. He knows that when it comes to complaining and being the victim, ain't nobody got time for that. He knows that it feels great to take responsibility for his life. He knows I love a man courageous enough to be who he truly is, no matter how "crazy" that may look. I love a courageous man. He dives into the mystery. He reads something like this and doesn't flinch. He rises to the challenge to follow his destiny. He doesn't need the armor that a large ego provides. He lets his heart lead him. He serenades me with a mediocre voice in a crowded room but his courage and focus makes it sound angelic.
I love a man who loves himself. He doesn't claim to be perfect but because he truly loves himself he likes where he is going and how he is growing. He faithfully commits to expressing who he his. He loves himself because he knows who and what he is. He loves himself so that he may truly love others.
I love a childlike, magical, kind, confident, daring, loving man because that is the only kind of man I am willing to travel this world, create, and live on a farm with.
This love-filled outpouring was brought to you by meditation, Reiki, talking with my ancestors, listening to my heart, and Whitney Houston (again). Now go out there and dare to love what you know you truly love!
My latest, greatest inspiration...
Ahhh Reiksperiences!!! Some of you may know that I just had an amazing Friday yesterday and now I want to tell you all about it. It was my first ever "Free Reiki Friday" and it was a beyond awesome screaming success. I had no clue as what to expect since I had never done anything like it before. As soon as I put out the announcement on facebook, twitter and spiritual networks, people were responding. To stay organized, I began to make a list of everyone in my little notebook. Most people didn't know what to do or what to expect once they responded but I knew experience would be their greatest teacher. After all that was the point of "Free Reiki Friday". I wanted to give people who were curious or in need, a chance to experience what I have been posting and talking about all of this time. It was also a awesome opportunity for me to gain even more experience and knowledge and boy oh boy did that happen!
How did it all happen? What did I do? I decided that I would send energy out to everyone individually because that is how I like to interact with people anyway. Sure it was going to be time-consuming and extra work but when you are doing something from your heart, time and work don't exist. I didn't know what time I was going to do it on Friday exactly; I felt my way through that part. I ended up doing it in the evening after I had some amazing carrot, ginger, kale, apple, and spinach juice. I sat down and focused on feeling the love within and started with the first person on my list. I was able to sense their presence and then I began to give Reiki to the areas that I felt intuitively inclined to go to. I am able to know where I am on their body or auric field, so if I am focusing on love or a body ache I know that and can sense the difference, and everyone was different. Some people flat out surprised me. One person had me giggling for five minutes, love was swirling all around. Another person seemed to have a serious ailment that evoked a more nurturing side of me. Essentially I was experiencing some of the many ways of love. One of the awesome aspects of doing this work is that when you give Reiki, you also receive it. By the time I was done with my whole list, I was flying high. I was giggly, giddy, and bubbling with joy. Talk about a super-charged Reiksperience.
After I was finished, I sent everyone individual messages about what I did and what areas I was drawn to. I didn't have to do it but I thought it was important and besides they gave me such a wonderful gift by simply redeeming my offer. I truly wasn't expecting that it would be as magical as it was but it also taught me a lot. One is that I absolutely love what I do and I am so grateful that I tapped into this aspect of myself. Another big lesson was learning the amount of personal responsibility you have to take to do this kind of work. Essentially I have to practice what I share. I give myself Reiki everyday but I realized it is more than that, I have to be it. That means ego and judgment have to take a backseat. What a path! What a task!...but I am willing because I truly love what I am doing and the love I am bringing forth into my being. I also learned that I really love Free Reiki Fridays. What a gorgeous treat! For those who took part, good for you, allow yourself to take it all in, leave a Reiksperience if you feel inclined, and thank you. For those who missed it, there will be more to come. Yay for Free Reiki Fridays!!
...It also takes emotional intelligence and true awareness of what and who you are to truly be the boss in your own life. Prior to this you are being run, run by your past, your issues, old wounds, fear, something somebody told you when you were 9, and so on. I hinted to this in my last post but today I feel compelled to go a step further. I have found my journey to Womanhood has been to truly put childish things aside (in the most loving way possible). I am not talking about my youthful essence, imagination, or innate silliness, I am talking about how I respond to life situations from a childlike perspective.
I have done a lot of work in this area which involved meditation, Reiki, great conversations with sister and brother friends, dream work, and even more. In meditation I began to observe my thoughts and I began to distinguish that a lot of the way I respond to situations in my adult life come from the child in me. In one meditation, I actually heard a child voice expressing a thought that I previously expressed in the same day. Sometimes we get confused because just because the world has declared us to be a woman or man and that we can have sex, pay bills, make babies, and have a career that we are actually a mature adult. We think that if it came out of our mouths, then it is an adult statement. Well I had to humble myself and see myself from a loving and non-judgmental perspective (i.e. meditation) and I was clearly able to see that my responses were child like, full of fear, and reflective of past pain even if they sounded like straight FIYAH coming out. I am not ashamed about it at all, in fact I love the child in me that was trying to protect me or who was hurt and just wanted to feel safe. I understood why it all happened and why the child in me had such a stronghold, but as a woman, I realized I no longer needed that anymore. I held that little girl in my arms and said, "I love you and it is time for you to step aside." It was time for me to be my own boss, President, Goddess, Queen, Empress and you better believe I have crowned myself, elected and inaugurated myself, deified myself, and even gave myself my own business.
Let's be clear, I am not interested in managing, creating, ruling or leading anyone's life except my own. In fact, when I connect with other people, I am connecting with fellow Presidents, Queens, Gods, Goddesses, Emperors and Empresses. Even if you don't consider yourself to be, that is who I am in conversation with. In my mind and heart, I am always communicating with people who are capable of having their own revelations and creating their own magic. This commitment isn't convenient; it takes a grand level of personal responsibility and I wouldn't have it any other way. I notice people can be thrown off by the integrity I am nourishing within myself because I am not going along with their issues...and that's okay. I love them anyway. It is because I love them I can accept them for who they are and because I love myself, I will not be run by anyone.
When you get to this point and start living like a Woman or Man it isn't always easy. It isn't the heart that holds the pain and fear, it is your ego, the little child, your foggy mind. It is your task to see past them. You must know your heart and be brave enough (quiet enough) to listen to it, abide by it. Sometimes we would rather squeeze into our underoos and panties and throw tantrums, threaten, blame and complain than stand up and take responsibility for ourselves, stand in our hearts. Living as a Woman or Man requires that you be true to yourself at all times and not to make decisions out of fear. It requires that you have complete trust in your intuition and the power that you have now taken reigns of and not to wallow in self-doubt. It requires that you embark upon an eternal love affair with yourself and not to sink into low self-esteem. It requires ovaries and balls! Most importantly, it requires you to know yourself, accept yourself and have emotional intelligence.
What is emotional intelligence? Well it is exactly what the scared child within you doesn't have. It is knowing how to be present with your emotions and being able to distinguish what emotions you are experiencing and then addressing them accordingly. It doesn't involve suppression or denial of how you feel nor does it involve judgment. We are supposed to feel. It is a beautiful thing and if you are emotionally intelligent, you put yourself in a true place of power. You are no longer being run. If I am sad or feel loss, I give myself time space and understanding. If I am fearful, I reassure myself and give myself a sense of security, If I am angry, I set boundaries for myself. I am not afraid to feel anything because I know what to do. If feel peace, I fly with it. If I feel joy, I have a party. If I am fearful, I am not going to have a party because that isn't properly addressing how I feel. If I feel joy, I don't need to stop and understand it, I need to let it flow within me and fly.
For me, knowing I have the ability to create life, pushed me to come into this awareness. Being trained as an artist taught me that to make something beautiful, you have to start with a beautiful idea. With my hands I have made a lot of beautiful things in my life. With my mind, I am now making my life beautiful because I know I have the power to do so. Most people will say, "Of course, it all starts in the mind. I knew that!" But my question is what are you doing to make it so for you? Who is really running things in your life? Are you your own boss? How do you stand in your love for yourself? It takes ovaries to be the boss!
I am sure most people have heard that in order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. In the past, whenever I heard this, I would always nod my head in agreement. It made perfect sense, of course, you must love yourself. I thought I did love myself ....or maybe I never even considered it on my list of things I had to do. It wasn't until after a few failed relationships I started to reevaluate this so-called love I had for myself. That statement came back again and this time I listened even harder and asked my ego to take a backseat. There wasn't any head-nodding this time, just stillness and a little shock. Maybe I didn't really love myself, but now that I know that, I am going to get on it. Yes indeedy! Let me get right on it...After marching off to get started, I realized I really didn't know how or where to even begin this love affair. Google to the rescue!
After lots of reading and searching, I started the mirror technique. I would look in the mirror for about 5 minutea, deep into my eyes and say, "I love you." It was hard at first and there were times I couldn't actually go through with it. Sometimes I cried tears of joy and sadness. It was hard to distinguish between the two. Eventually I was having near orgasms when I looked in the mirror. I still get a little excited. I am getting excited just thinking about it...But that isn't the point of this entry. Essentially, I did mantras, prayers, treated myself to good food, bought a cute dress, went on adventures, and whatever else that was recommended and I felt the love....I did, but there was still something off. The love didn't really reach me to my core and I really didn't know how to do that. I was in love with the me who lives in this material world, but the real me, I was still ignoring. So when it came down to it, I still didn't know how to love ME.
When I first became attuned to Reiki, I felt a sense of love that I never felt before. My heart felt mushy (still does) and I wanted to hug strangers and cradle them in my bosom (maybe just the babies). A love portal truly opened up inside of me and even though it was a new feeling, I also knew it was always there. I only had glimpses of it before. It forced me to go back to understanding what it means to truly love myself and all of the things that got in the way.
So what did I figure out? What has been the pathway towards true love for me?
Wait for it...
LISTENING, CREATIVITY, and ACTION. Love is a feeling but 'to love' is an action. It is something that you share. I had to realize that I truly am in a relationship with myself and looking in the mirror and buying myself nice things weren't going to cut it. I had to go deeper. I had to listen to my inner voice and give to her, honor her, appreciate all of the unconditional love she gives me. So with the energy of Reiki (which is like a love expressway), I have learned to go in and listen. I meditate and ask questions. I listen...and then I create. I create a world for myself through writing, art, and communication that echos the love I hear in my heart, the love that is given to me unconditionally. It takes a lot of trust and effort to do this, to write the words that I write to myself, to make the things I make for myself, to give to a place without any limitations or rules, and to know that I am loved for all of it. Creating my heart song is truly my greatest act of self love. It the truest love I could give myself and as I have learned it comes back and gets deeper and deeper. Love truly is a journey.
If you made it this far...hahaha... What is your greatest act of self love? How do you love yourself? Can you look into your eyes and say "I love you" without looking away?