...It also takes emotional intelligence and true awareness of what and who you are to truly be the boss in your own life. Prior to this you are being run, run by your past, your issues, old wounds, fear, something somebody told you when you were 9, and so on. I hinted to this in my last post but today I feel compelled to go a step further. I have found my journey to Womanhood has been to truly put childish things aside (in the most loving way possible). I am not talking about my youthful essence, imagination, or innate silliness, I am talking about how I respond to life situations from a childlike perspective.
I have done a lot of work in this area which involved meditation, Reiki, great conversations with sister and brother friends, dream work, and even more. In meditation I began to observe my thoughts and I began to distinguish that a lot of the way I respond to situations in my adult life come from the child in me. In one meditation, I actually heard a child voice expressing a thought that I previously expressed in the same day. Sometimes we get confused because just because the world has declared us to be a woman or man and that we can have sex, pay bills, make babies, and have a career that we are actually a mature adult. We think that if it came out of our mouths, then it is an adult statement. Well I had to humble myself and see myself from a loving and non-judgmental perspective (i.e. meditation) and I was clearly able to see that my responses were child like, full of fear, and reflective of past pain even if they sounded like straight FIYAH coming out. I am not ashamed about it at all, in fact I love the child in me that was trying to protect me or who was hurt and just wanted to feel safe. I understood why it all happened and why the child in me had such a stronghold, but as a woman, I realized I no longer needed that anymore. I held that little girl in my arms and said, "I love you and it is time for you to step aside." It was time for me to be my own boss, President, Goddess, Queen, Empress and you better believe I have crowned myself, elected and inaugurated myself, deified myself, and even gave myself my own business.
Let's be clear, I am not interested in managing, creating, ruling or leading anyone's life except my own. In fact, when I connect with other people, I am connecting with fellow Presidents, Queens, Gods, Goddesses, Emperors and Empresses. Even if you don't consider yourself to be, that is who I am in conversation with. In my mind and heart, I am always communicating with people who are capable of having their own revelations and creating their own magic. This commitment isn't convenient; it takes a grand level of personal responsibility and I wouldn't have it any other way. I notice people can be thrown off by the integrity I am nourishing within myself because I am not going along with their issues...and that's okay. I love them anyway. It is because I love them I can accept them for who they are and because I love myself, I will not be run by anyone.
When you get to this point and start living like a Woman or Man it isn't always easy. It isn't the heart that holds the pain and fear, it is your ego, the little child, your foggy mind. It is your task to see past them. You must know your heart and be brave enough (quiet enough) to listen to it, abide by it. Sometimes we would rather squeeze into our underoos and panties and throw tantrums, threaten, blame and complain than stand up and take responsibility for ourselves, stand in our hearts. Living as a Woman or Man requires that you be true to yourself at all times and not to make decisions out of fear. It requires that you have complete trust in your intuition and the power that you have now taken reigns of and not to wallow in self-doubt. It requires that you embark upon an eternal love affair with yourself and not to sink into low self-esteem. It requires ovaries and balls! Most importantly, it requires you to know yourself, accept yourself and have emotional intelligence.
What is emotional intelligence? Well it is exactly what the scared child within you doesn't have. It is knowing how to be present with your emotions and being able to distinguish what emotions you are experiencing and then addressing them accordingly. It doesn't involve suppression or denial of how you feel nor does it involve judgment. We are supposed to feel. It is a beautiful thing and if you are emotionally intelligent, you put yourself in a true place of power. You are no longer being run. If I am sad or feel loss, I give myself time space and understanding. If I am fearful, I reassure myself and give myself a sense of security, If I am angry, I set boundaries for myself. I am not afraid to feel anything because I know what to do. If feel peace, I fly with it. If I feel joy, I have a party. If I am fearful, I am not going to have a party because that isn't properly addressing how I feel. If I feel joy, I don't need to stop and understand it, I need to let it flow within me and fly.
For me, knowing I have the ability to create life, pushed me to come into this awareness. Being trained as an artist taught me that to make something beautiful, you have to start with a beautiful idea. With my hands I have made a lot of beautiful things in my life. With my mind, I am now making my life beautiful because I know I have the power to do so. Most people will say, "Of course, it all starts in the mind. I knew that!" But my question is what are you doing to make it so for you? Who is really running things in your life? Are you your own boss? How do you stand in your love for yourself? It takes ovaries to be the boss!