These past two weeks have been quite a challenge for me (in a good way). I am at the point where I feel the game changing and expanding. So tonight, I will not use my usual post format and instead keep these two week's sessions notes on each individual person to myself. When I started this project I knew I wanted to work with 5 people and after a few people inquiring for the 5th spot, I finally found someone last week. I affectionately call her Coco because I was drinking chocolate milk during our first session. Last week was my first session with Coco.
Coco's addition to the group is proving to be that necessary link to what feels like a chain of transformation. She is someone who teaches me faith, surrender, and patience. In these last two weeks this work has become real. Tears are flowing, truths are being faced, and I am being stretched. I can see and feel the journey now even though I don't know the destination. Talk about faith, I'm filled with it. I have to be.
If it wasn't clear before, I have learned that this work can't be rooted in my ability to hold a conversation or to listen to people's problems. I set out to see the efficacy, magic of this divine energy flowing through me and that is what has been so hard. I am forced to surrender to the unknown so that I can be of greater service. I have to make a choice to let my intellect and even experience be secondary to the real work. At one point as I listened to one of my participants thoughts scatter and jump from one point to the next, I asked my self if I could help her. I had just made a video about the "Healer's Journey" expressing that I won't be able to help everyone and there I was possibly faced with that situation. Before I got too far into doubt, I asked my heart the same question and I heard that voice say, "You can...It'll take some time." So I continue on, digging deep, rooting myself in my heart. I tap into my love-flow and just go.
Self-love is the foundation to most of the work we are doing. It can be heart-wrenching to guide people on this journey and see how difficult it is for them. I vacillate between cheerleader and coach while maintaining honesty. I wont let them get away with being complacent or lazy because love isn't. As almost everything in life, it all seems to boil down to love or fear. In everyone's stories, fear brought them to the hospital, the meds, the diagnoses, and further away from themselves.
The fascinating thing is seeing how even though everyone in the group have never met each other and probably never will, they are all linked. One person's experience informs the other. What's happening is truly a community effort. All of our appointments are divinely timed, even when they are late. More than before, I find that my dreams cover territory that seems specific for the work that I am doing with them. Yes, I am even working when I sleep. In my personal life, I am finding that kind souls have showed up helping to guide me through this process along the way.