Oftentimes when I write, I play music. I am playing music right now actually. I would love to tell you all that I put on a playlist and let the words flow but it isn't true. For my most love-filled posts I require Whitney Houston's Just the Lonely. There is something about that song that forces me to dig deep. She is singing to this guy asking him if he is ready for all of her lovin' or if he is just lonely. For me it is like a personal love song that keeps me in check. It is like my higher self saying, "Hey gal, are you going to bring it or are you just going to scratch the surface?" From there I find that every word type just flows because I so want to answer that challenging question. Am I ready for love? Am I ready for this grand responsibility to be committed to love? Writing for me is a love ritual. It is my way of showing my commitment to myself and to the love I am.
It helps that I am a big planner. It isn't that I am meticulous; I like to set the stage. For example, I knew that one day I would have locs. I wasn't sure when I was going to do it but I knew that I would have to exhaust all other hair styles I had an interest in before I was willing to make the commitment. So, I did. I played with my hair until I realized I was done. So it was very loosely planned and when everything was aligned, I went for it. This helped me greatly because I knew my family wouldn't approve but because I did everything I needed to do to be clear in my decision their moans and groans and subtle suggestions in the awkward growing stages fell on insensitive ears. I made a clear commitment to my hair and myself that couldn't be moved. It was like that Musiq song "You and Me". If they can't bear to see me happy with my locs then it will be us against the world. I guess this means I embarked on a love affair with my hair. We have had our ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade it for any other way to enjoy my hair.
Still playing Whitney by the way....
I think it is safe to say we all love "love" when it seems to be working out. We like the giddy feelings, the good days, and the sound of our own laugh. Or is that just me? But when it comes to making a commitment, I go back to this song. How many times are we just doing "lonely talking"? Whitney says that she will still be there after she fulfills his needs even though she knows this guy may leave. To me she plays the role of love itself in the song. She is so forgiving. She accepts this guy for who he is but encourages, challenges him to be honest with himself. Can he commit to having the real conversation? Can he commit?
I apply this song to everything I say/feel I love. I apply it to my Reiki practice, my writing, my hair, my friendships, and though it pains me to admit it to, you, my readers, my desire for family. Long-term commitments, for most of my life, have petrified me. I have enjoyed my ability to break free of situations. I used to love putting in my notice of leave at jobs. I am still happy about my great escape capabilities but ever since I entered this love world I feel a little differently. I need to apply different skills to love because this is a world I am not keen on leaving. It would be like leaving myself and that doesn't make sense. I only share this because I know there are a few of you out there just like me...and because I am listening to this song on repeat and she keeps asking if I am ready for love. Geez Whitney.
Do I think I am ready? Yes and no. But she(Whit/Love) keeps on talking about sharing a dream she has visualized. Love has a dream that it wants to share with me and I want in on it. I mean she wants to talk, she is practically begging, so it isn't all about her dream. I feel like she is open to what I have been drumming up as well. It is the mystery of this conversation that scares me, but I am willing to enter. I am willing to commit this time. Without commitment, I wouldn't have this glorious mane, this blog, this business, my health, my knowledge, and whatever is around that mysterious corner for me. Purple with fear, I am willing to commit to love. Luckily purple looks good on me.
So I write this to suggest that maybe we should find greater greatness to commit to. Ha!..."greater greatness". I think what holds us back is that we have said no to mediocrity for so long that when that good stuff comes along we don't know how to break the habit of chucking the deuces(leaving). My greater greatness is love. What is it for you?