Yesterday a man came by to fix the oven. The computer's motherboard exploded. He told me before he started that the issue would either be the temp control or the brain. I never thought of my oven having a brain, but I found it interesting that over the past few weeks the one thing that I felt was on the verge of exploding was my brain. Maybe the oven took one for the team.
I have been exploring a different way of living lately. My goal is to live and make decisions completely from my heart. I can hear Teena Marie singing the words, "straight from my heart" as I type. Wait, didn't she die from heart issues? No matter, I stay on the path undeterred. I could tell you plenty of reasons why I am doing this, but I don't want to. It is a feeling that is prompting me to do this, something that beyond reason I can't shake. The reasons that have seemed to line up in a perfect queue came later, almost as a defense and I am not interested in defending myself.
As a result of this internal shift, my mind seems to be rebelliously in overdrive. It plays every scenario and thought as if it will do anything to get the last word. Until this point, I don't think I have ever been so aware of my incessant mind. The heart is a whisper in comparison. It has a little voice, but it is clear. It's that shy genius that stands in a corner. You have to seek it out to receive its wisdom. The mind is the class-clown, the trouble-maker, and even the well-read scholar who has plenty of information about every topic. The heart takes to a path steady and surefooted unlike the many stumbles and detours of my mind. The hard part is being able to listen to the heart as the mind pounds, beats, and thumps louder than any heart I've ever heard. So clear is the heart once you start to clear the brush of the mind. You quickly realize how unbreakable the heart really is and how temperamental the mind is.
I sat and listened to the repair man as he told me about his family, his job, and bits of his life. I noted how much my ears have improved since I have been focusing on my heart. The oven and its brain became secondary to our exchange. As I walked him to the door he mentioned how he never talked so much about his life, it wasn't something he usually did. I just smiled. What he didn't know was that I was following my protocol: think with the heart and feel with the mind. He never stood a chance.
And now, right on time, Chaka sings Please Pardon Me...