So I was listening to some Marvin Gaye and... Isn't that how so many of these conversations begin?
Well really, I was in the shower, listening to Marvin Gaye getting my clean on and this idea for a post just popped into my head. They say that prostitution is the world's oldest profession but I truly feel a need to contend with that. I think, no I know, healers have had that same timeless demand. The real question is what were those women doing then in this profession we call prostitution? Much like everything we know now, the meaning and significance of sacred arts (especially sex) have been diluted, confused, and/or devolved. I will share with you something I know from my heart. and you are not required to believe it but take this journey with me anyway. Those ancient women were teaching men to love, truly love and they were treated as sacred. It wasn't their goal to have lifelong customers, it was their sacred charge to give them the tools to be able to truly love their mates and to love themselves. Well that sounds like a healer to me. If we look into Taoism we know that sexual energy is used to heal the body. Check out Healing Love by Mantak Chia if this is all foreign to you. Taoism teaches you to circulate chi aka ki (ReiKI hint! hint!) throughout your body to facilitate healing amongst other things. Essentially you are moving love around the body. Oooh wee! We can also look at ancient Indian temples and see people engaging in Sexual acts. Isn't a temple a healing place? I mean what do you go to church for, to shoot the shit? I am pretty sure we go to these places for healing. So if your body is your temple why aren't you finding ways to get the healing energy flowing? And I'm not talking about going to find someone to bump beauties with because that is a whole other post. I am talking about beginning to recognize how you have the power to heal yourself and that it is truly built in, innate. Reiki anyone?
So back to my sacred ladies of the night...and day... or should I say Sexual healers (thanks Marvin)? These women were the masters of their craft but how about now? Well now you have someone called a sex surrogate. Their job is more aligned with what those ancient women did but now they are dealing with modern issues, sexual abuse, Catholic guilt, Mormon guilt, incest, pornography addictions, etc. They help people begin to feel confident with their sexuality, in the nude. They are like a super hands on counselor but the most important part is that they empower their clients to never come back. Our modern day prostitute or sex worker (as some prefer to be called) is more connected to the addictive consumerism that is pervasive in our society. They want you to come back. There are so many reasons for that but the main one is that they make more money if their customers feel weak.
Kiki, why don't you bring this all together? Oh okay. No problem.
As a healer of the non-sexual variety, I thought about how I want to connect with people and what my goals were in this business (before I took a shower today). I realized (with Marvin Gaye's help) I wanted to be able to really work with people so that they would feel so strong and equipped that they would eventually not comeback (but of course we can still be friends). So let's get it on! I am Kiki, your Reiki Surrogate. Thank you, go within.
Isn't twerking just bellydancing to a different beat? I just finished my "classy" twerking workout aka bellydancing and I feel the Divine swirling within and around me. I am pretty sure I have also helped heal the world after my last hip twirl. And the chimmy, please don't let me forget the chimmy which felt like I was on my way to bootyclapping if my booty was a tad larger.
Healing occurs as we allow divine energy, our true essence, to move around unimpeded. As the energy moves it balances imbalances and adds to our greater well-being. Twerking, oops I mean, Bellydancing is also incredibly empowering. If I didn't love being a woman before, I superlove it now. I know I was supposed to be looking sensual in the mirror, but I was cheesing with excitement and joy instead. That is still sensual, right? The Goddess in me says, "Absolutely, you sensual Goddess." *growls*
WI just had an idea! Twerk, or for you "ladies", Bellydance and then get a Reiki session. Ooo Wee! I just paused and laid my hands on my sensual body and HOT DAMN! I think I have said enough. Twerk and heal...Twerk and heal.
So I thought I would have a bit of fun with a new series called Love Insights. I have always been a bit of a relationship/love counselor and I have definitely gotten better over the years due to my own journey. I don't know about y'all but I always have a song playing in my head. There always seems to be a song for the occasion, especially when it comes to relationships... So I have decided to offer my insight by the songs that seem to pop in my head when I am in these sessions. I hope you enjoy...
First up: Locked Out of Heaven by Bruno Mars
Hee hee hee! This song started playing in my head recently and I won't tell you why. Let's just say I understand, I really understand. Speaking of heaven, did you know that in Hebrew my name roughly translates to Heaven or the firmament? Go Bruno with your little man self! I like this song; it speaks to me. In this song he realizes that it is possible that he has been locked out of heaven. Why is that? I say it is because if you are having sex solely based on physical pleasure you have completely missed the point. You have indeed been locked out of heaven. Oh what? What is that you say? Swimming in my world is something spiritual? Hmmm. Is sex a spiritual experience? Of course it is, but the real question is: Do you know how to do the spiritual alchemy to make magic happen? As much as I appreciate this cute little guy, I'm not convinced by this song that he does. It sounds like he is completely afraid to open his heart to this heavenly women but doesn't mind being in the midst of her magic. What a waste!
Awww, it looks like Bruno is sleeping on the power of spiritual alchemy with that closed heart. This happens often, but no matter how casual you try to make it, there is no way getting around it, sex is a spiritual act. And what does that mean? Spiritual? Even Bruno (like most people) flirts with the concept in the song. The term spiritual really describes our non-physical reality. Magic is when the spiritual world manifests into the physical world and animates it with all of its glory. Your very presence on this earth is evidence of magic. I mean, sex starts in the mind a.k.a. nonphysical reality first. <---- *coughs* magic *coughs* When you are having sex, the real action is happening in the spiritual world. The amount of energy that is generated during sex is off the charts especially if you are open. You are literally creating worlds, heavens, when you are bumping your beauties. The problem is that most people create in the spiritual world and then attempt to wash away the realities they created for reasons of shame, misguided concepts of sin, delusion, and the list goes on...or they just turn a blind eye to it all. *shakes head* In Bruno's case, he can see paradise and that is where he stops and gets lazy.
What brings your creations into this physical reality? What is the fuel? Drumroll please......emotions. Anger, sadness, peace, and fear will work, but love, oh love, is the good stuff, the stuff crack and molly wishes it was. See that is what is missing from this whole equation. The beat is awesome and has a nice build, there are even grunts in the background, but just like the song ends, so does he. If he took the leap into love we would have an entirely different song: Think a transcendent Marvin Gaye like 10 minute track with layered background vocals delicately programming your subconscious mind to strip down naked and plunge into a sea of ecstasy to retrieve treasures only found at the bottom. You see only love could take you there. Only love would give you the courage to dive that deep. Only love could give you the push to come out of that water whole and completely transformed. Bruno ain't talking about that.
In conclusion we have a man that gets that sex might be magical but isn't talking about how they should use the energy that they have generated. He gets that he has been opened, but hasn't described how he is going to use those emotions. He will get on his knees but isn't diving. What a pity! Ladies, it's cute and complimentary to know you have the gates to heaven, but in this song that is where it ends. I would tell that heavenly woman to chuck the deuces if he isn't talking about alchemy. What are they creating? Don't just talk about how great it is. Make some magic happen! Dive deep! If not, what is she bringing into her world through her lovely gate haphazardly? Hmmmmm. Maybe she needs to think more deeply about what/who she opens her legs to. <<<<<I've got a post for that.
Now I will go back jammin!
You can't love anger away. Trust me, I know because I've tried...and this comes from the woman who loves love. You can open your heart to anger and give it a place to express itself but you can't push it away. Anger is one of your gifts or tools to navigate this experience and true love is about acceptance. As I have said before, emotions are our fuel and anger can take you to a wonderful place if you know where you are going.
I know some people who can't seem to get anywhere and are always in some type of pain, be it emotional or physical. They carry their pain like a badge of honor or pity, yet they seek to do nothing about it other than look for a quick fix in pain relievers, drugs, alcohol, sex, and the lists goes on. Suppressed anger is usually the culprit for the pain they experience because they lack the courage to express it. They are afraid of their own anger. Some suppress so well that they never feel obvious pain, but they do have obvious weight gain. In my observations, large stomachs belie this more than a big booty. Suppressed anger shows in their plastered smiles, darting eyes, and loud lies. Nevertheless, the pain comes eventually and so does the disease. Your body is the last place it shows up, never the first.
In my previous post simply entitled Anger, I spoke rather poetically about my experience with my own anger. I talked about being chased by my anger in the form of a ferocious canine-like animal. I didn't talk about what I did next, in the midst of all of the fear of being torn to shreds by this hungry beast who seemed to be tracking my every move as if it knew my next steps before I did. First I must say that at some point I decided that I would no longer be afraid of the "darkside" and so-called negative emotions. I long found that humor is my greatest weapon but now I wield it with great tact. In the end, I had to do what was logical; I stopped running from the dog thing and I gave it a job. Just like children and pets who act up when unattended or unoccupied, anger can be easily useful and darn near pleasant to be around when you give it something to do.
I first assessed its qualities. It is extremely powerful and is a marvel at destruction and demolition. If you could have only seen the ruin it left in its chase after me. Part of me wanted to say, "This is a bit much, don't you think?", but we didn't have an open dialogue at that point. I also noticed it had a bit of a sense of humor after it got out a lot of its aggression. It has a beautiful smile. With all of that in mind, I employed it as my "go to" pal when I need to tear down blocks and perceived barriers. An added bonus is the humor that follows a job well done. I so appreciate its jokes. They are cynical, silly, sometimes demented, and always refreshing.
To summarize: When I express my anger in a productive and strategic way, new opportunities open for me and life becomes even more hilarious than it was before.
So ask yourself: How do I express my anger? If I gave my anger a job, what should it be? How do my emotions work for me now? Where do my emotions take me?
I may be just writing this to myself, but I will share this with you all anyway. Over the recent weeks I took a step back from everything to look for clarity. I do this from time to time. I limit my social interaction, reading, writing, work, and anything else that I deem a distraction. For me, everything had become muddled with opposing views and internal conflicts. The journey of self is like a constant revealing and just when you think you have something figured out, a new bit of information is added to the mix forcing you to reconfigure your previous calculations. Maybe I should stop trying to reach conclusions. Maybe there aren't any problems to be solved and the very act of trying to solve the problem is what causes the problem that never really existed... I just read that I titled the post "Anger" so I should get to it. The funny thing is what I have done so far is the perfect illustration of how I have been addressing my anger. I work so hard on an explanation that I forget I was angry. Kind readers, use your imagination and see this next paragraph as the first.
I am angry about a lot of things. If I had to describe what my anger looks like, it would resemble a black ferocious canine-like creature that when it gets really angry bulks up like a charcoal gray hulk. This androgynous hulk dog/wolf has the strength of 8000 pitbulls and the hunger 5000 packs of wolves combined. I keep it chained up, but it broke free recently and it started to hunt me. My cat-like abilities and uncanny talent to search out steel doors and high ledges have allowed me to allude it, but I have a feeling that it knows exactly where I am. It's hunting me, finding the right time to take its reward. You see, every time I seek to dive deeper into myself, there it is growling and baring its teeth. I hiss back with explanations and someone distracts me with heart shaped candy corns. It watches me sap up the unbearable sweetness as a new muscle tones in its jaw. I search for cake and it searches for me. Dun Dun Dun Duuuuun.. I have had too much cake this time. That ultimate muscle has been toned. I saw it when it happened. I heard it when it said enough was enough. I ran when I saw the chains break and the cage completely shattered. I tried to negotiate with dog-catchers. No one would help me because this is my journey.
Here is a confession: I have always had a strong disdain for the phrase "love and light". Oooh it irks me to the bone. Oh man, I don't think I could describe enough how much I can't stand those words together. Recently in an email exchange, someone said "love and darkness" and I felt my heart smile and inside I sighed, "Yes!". "Love and light" always sounded incredibly pretentious and a like a huge gargantuan LIE. Most of the people saying it from my observations seem to be saying it as a hope and not a reality. I say deal with the reality. You know good and well you aren't all about love and light so be real and say so. I know I am not. I am all of it. If I am the oppressed, I am the oppressor. If I am the beautiful, I am the ugly. If I am the shit, I am the flowers. If I am the light, I am the darkness as well...And if I am the articulate, then I am the foul-mouthed, so fuck "love and light". <-----Maybe that is the dog in me. If I am the hunted, I am the hunter.
You can learn a lot from children. I know I do. I was babysitting my nephew and it was time to change his diaper. Well truthfully I wasn't sure, but apparently he was, because when I walked up to his diaper bag only contemplating exploring its contents, I turned around to find him on the floor, in a docile position, ready to get his diaper changed. I was shocked. This was the kid that was just running around and dancing in a circle non-stop for the past 20 minutes. He is a very active child unless he is tired, so to see him stop in the middle of his party, perfectly calm and on the ground, baffled and amazed me. I changed his diaper, he gave me a hug, and the party continued.
In order to heal, you have to be open to it. You have to be willing to receive the healing. In my nephews situation, he knew that he needed my help and he allowed himself to receive it. People will pray, beg, and plead for a miracle but then won't be open to receive it. They are too strong or independent. Internally what is really happening is that your "independent" conscious mind or ego is blocking your own internal magic from materializing in the form of healing and/or balance. Instead you are strongly and independently walking around with a soiled diaper and everyone can smell it. Eeew!
So try this out...
Before you go to bed at night. Imagine you are a thriving toddler who needs to be changed. Lay down and imagine you are being changed by a much wiser version of yourself. Do this for 7 nights and tell me if you didn't notice a change! <------ Ha ha ha! Get it?! I crack myself up....But really try it and tell me what happens.
Oh and happy full moon!
Some of my loves!!
Are you having issues with your mother? Do you resent her for not being supportive? Maybe she was too supportive? Do you feel she wasn't a good role model for you? Was she addicted to drugs or alcohol? Was she abusive? Was she weak? Do you have mother issues?
Have you confronted her and shared your feelings and still there no change? If you are reading this, then I am sure that you have seen how these issues have affected your relationships with women and you are ready to make a change. Mother issues have been coming up a lot recently in my Reiki sessions and since I know this issue resides in many, here is a tried and true way that you can begin to heal....
Get a plant...
Yup that is it. Get an indoor plant and learn how to take care of it. Get familiar with the soil. Put it on your feet, get your hands dirty. Make sure this plant isn't illegal or fruit-bearing. One because healing mother issues shouldn't put you in prison and you don't want something you are hoping to harvest. Ideally, you want a simple plant that does nothing except offer oxygen. You can take care of an outdoor plant but there is something special about taking care of a plant inside of your home. Take care of it, nurture it, give it water, give it food, talk to it, sing to it, caress it, love it, and see what happens.
Can anyone guess why this is so effective? I will give you a hint...Mother earth.
My uncle took me to the train station one evening and waited with me for the train's arrival. There were a group of women waiting as well that he seemed to be focused on. Suddenly he asked me to come closer. He had a strong look of concern on his face so I obliged. He spoke firmly, "When you get on the train, I don't want you in the same car as them." "Why?" I asked. "Because she is a crack dealer," he answered in a serious voice. I was shocked and even felt a little anxiety. I looked over at the women trying to figure out how he knew. My eyes traveled down to the woman squatting in her super low-rise jeans...CRAAACK!
Hee hee hee! Okay but really I am not talking about that kind of crack and really I am not talking about the kind that Whitney said was "Whack"...but lets use it as an metaphor for experiences we don't need to have. I think it is safe to say that most of us who have seen the effects that Crack cocaine has on people would never touch the stuff. It isn't something you need to negotiate or think over. It truly is common sense, crack is clearly whack. People on crack look horrible and their lives look completely undesirable and inside you say that there is no "high" worth that kind of outcome. So it is pretty easy to say no to crack on the streets but how about the rest of the "crack" in your life?
The "crack" I am talking about are those glaring red flags and blaring warning signals that come up for you that you ignore, those alleys you have already been down, the people you have already tumbled with, or those disasters you have already witnessed. All the signs are there but you put the blinders on because you must know for yourself. It is like a pregnant crackhead inviting you over to her "mansion" for dinner and you never seeing that she is pregnant and a CRACKHEAD! Your friends can see it and try to remind you of the reality of pregnant crackheads but you never figure it out. You have tunnel vision and are refusing to see the full environment; you must have YOUR experience. You walk right into the crack house and ignore the filth and take what she serves you, CRACK. You experience euphoria like never before and are immediately hooked. You smoke searching to feel as good as you did the first time but that never happens. Eventually you reach rock bottom and barely recognize yourself. You reach out for help and you get it. You put the pipe down and then go through the pain of detox. And even though you recover, the smell of crack still stays with you like a lust-filled temptation and it is with your will that you never pick up the pipe again. Don't get me wrong, some of the most wise and amazing people I have met have been formerly crack-addicted and so in some way I see the value of the experience. But is it really necessary to experience crack? Can't you use some wisdom and discernment to just say no?
When I was young my mother who worked in an inner-city school took me to parent teacher night. One of the students parents was addicted to crack. That night my mother had me study her and showed me how crack had affected her body, mind, and spirit. A year or two later, during summer school, the same student came to my mother to seek refuge. I happened to be there that day and I watched her eat a small can of sauerkraut because it was the only thing the drug dealers who raided her home earlier that day left in the cupboards. I learned quickly that it was not a favorable substance. Life shows us many lessons just like the one I had, about a myriad of experiences. Can't we agree that we don't have to experience everything or at least learn from the experience enough not to repeat it?
We often have patterns that we repeat, paths that we walk over and over again, until we learn the lesson. Along this journey, there are situations and people that represent the "crack", the powerful substance that is attempting to pull you back into the loop. I am proposing that instead of dating him, working there, or smoking the "crack", you use discernment and wisdom to just say no. Know that even though it may have been awhile since you last touched the pipe, crack is still crack and it is whack. Everyone's "crack" is different. What is crack for me might be your ambrosia. Know yourself, it is up to you to step back and become the observer to be able to see the crack. In the great words of Johnny Cochran, "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit." Don't waste your time building a case to judge because all that really means is that you are still smoking that crack. Detect the crack and then step the hell back.
So I ask you, can you detect the "crack" in your life?
Here is a small sample of my crack...
a guy who takes bathroom pictures of himself = crack
institutions and hierarchical systems = straight crack rock
modern hip hop = a big fat bag
certain body odors = garbage rock
a victim mentality = cookie
smokers = base
a particular use of language = roca (espanol)
certain writing styles = hard rock
conditional love = Devil's dandruff
Life is a dream and if you can recognize the signs and symbols put forth for you, you will be well on your way to a crack-free existence.
Ganesh doing his thing!
When I was younger my mother let me go to church with a work friend of hers every Sunday for maybe a year and a half. I loved it! It was a traditional Southern Baptist church equipped with a awesome choir and a hooting and hollering pastor. I saw it all as a great source of entertainment. Parishioners would "catch" the "holy spirit" and start dancing down the aisles. Random women would be releasing orgasmic cries to Jesus saying "Yes! Yes! Yes Jesus!" over and over again. Did I say I loved it?! It was fun to watch and afterwards I would probably get some fried chicken or ice cream. Life was good. I didn't like dressing up for church so I always had a change of clothes. I would strip down in the car to rid myself of those annoying dresses but other than that, I found church to be an enjoyable experience.
You see, I was never raised to have a particular religion so for me I was always studying and observing others who did. I would always go to my friends' churches whenever I was invited. My mother introduced us into Judaism by celebrating Hanukkah and into Islam by going to the Mosque. I never felt bound to any religion. The story of Jesus was simply a story about what everyone could do as a human being. I didn't understand the worshiping part. As a child I didn't know how to express how I felt about religion because I could see how passionate people were about it. I didn't want to argue or prove a point. It wasn't until I was twelve did I become more clear about how I felt. We had just moved to a new apartment and me being painfully shy at the time was struggling to make friends. Every morning at my bus stop was this Indian girl who clearly was in the same boat as me. We saw each other every morning and never spoke. Eventually someone had to introduce us and that is where it all changed for me. We slowly became friends and I would go to her house often. Her house was this amazing place filled with new aromas and images I had yet to see. She was Hindu and I was awestruck by the bindis, the colorful pictures of an multi-armed elephant, the henna designs, the curry, the altar, the man in the orange curtain... I would ask her and her brother endless questions. They would do their best to answer. I would study Hinduism in every encyclopedia I came across. I had to know more. Up until meeting her, I had experienced the more popular religions in American culture, but mostly Christianity. Hinduism was a brand new world for me and I liked it. I loved how every morning she kept her tradition and how she participated in her culture no matter what was going on outside.
Well one day three of us were talking about religion. It was her, I, and a wonderful guy who was holding a scarab beetle in his hand. We were asking each other about how we felt about it and I remember looking at her. She had to be one of the most sweetest people I ever met and at that moment I remembered how many times I heard that if you didn't believe in Jesus, you were going to hell. I couldn't look her in the eye and then say I believed in any religion that I had known previous to meeting her. So even though I was never attached to a religion, that day it became even clearer. Since then I have gone on to enjoy even more religions. I love learning and exploring other peoples way of life and observing the commonalities that we all seem to share. Yet and still, I do not ascribe to any religion. I am spiritual essence and that knowing is eternally fulfilling.
Nonetheless, when I speak or share what is in my heart, I often find my friends saying, "You are very Buddhist." or "You are more Christian than me." or "You are very Brazilian." and so on and so on. I always laugh at this and shake my head. They are perceiving me to be like them, not because I share their beliefs or culture, but because I like to connect to people on a heart to heart level. I can talk to anyone and relate to anyone. It isn't uncommon for my friends to end up on the phone with me for 2 hours and not know how it happened. One reason is because I can talk about anything and another reason is because I am truly interested in who they are. The people in my life amaze me. Their lives are sometimes difficult and stressful but they make so many amazing things happen. I see them growing everyday and it is a pleasure to know them and love them.
So why share this story? Well I was thinking about some of the fears I hear regarding Reiki and I wanted to address it. One of my friends said he doesn't "mess with that stuff". One of my friends refuses to learn more about it since he "has Jesus". And there are plenty more that are unspoken. From my story, I think it is clear that I don't carry fear about other sets of beliefs. My commitment in life is to "know" and not to focus on "believing". It is my experience with Reiki that allows me to write this, not my belief in it. Honestly Reiki isn't that special or mystical but it is at the same time; it is something that is innate in all of us but few tap into it. In fact, before it was called "Reiki" by a Japanese man, it was called something else and something else before that. For me, it is a loving energy that fills my entire being. When I share it with others, I get the sense that it first acts as a connector, connecting you to who/what you truly are. And what are we? We are spirituality. We are "life force". We are divine love. We live our lives as if we are not that. That is where I come in, I like to connect. I don't see this energy as outside of myself, I see it as a part of me. Did I take classes? Yes. Did someone "attune" me? Yes. But why? Essentially someone helped me connect to what was already inside of me and that is what any excellent teacher or healer does. And what does it feel like? Unconditional love, understanding, compassion. These feelings are constantly swirling within me now even on hard days. When I first aligned with the energy it felt like I was hugging myself on the inside and I laughed for the first month about everything. Love isn't really enough to describe it, but it is the only word I know that comes close. Is Reiki Hocus Pocus and Boogie Woogie? Try it and make a decision from there. How you connect what I have shared to your belief system is up to you but I do encourage you dig deeper. If I stopped at a Japanese man calling it "Reiki", this blog or website would not exist.
If you are curious and want to try it, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I will give it to you as a gift for your open-mindedness and bravery. I can promise you absolutely no hocus pocus or boogie woogie, just love and compassion.
...It also takes emotional intelligence and true awareness of what and who you are to truly be the boss in your own life. Prior to this you are being run, run by your past, your issues, old wounds, fear, something somebody told you when you were 9, and so on. I hinted to this in my last post but today I feel compelled to go a step further. I have found my journey to Womanhood has been to truly put childish things aside (in the most loving way possible). I am not talking about my youthful essence, imagination, or innate silliness, I am talking about how I respond to life situations from a childlike perspective.
I have done a lot of work in this area which involved meditation, Reiki, great conversations with sister and brother friends, dream work, and even more. In meditation I began to observe my thoughts and I began to distinguish that a lot of the way I respond to situations in my adult life come from the child in me. In one meditation, I actually heard a child voice expressing a thought that I previously expressed in the same day. Sometimes we get confused because just because the world has declared us to be a woman or man and that we can have sex, pay bills, make babies, and have a career that we are actually a mature adult. We think that if it came out of our mouths, then it is an adult statement. Well I had to humble myself and see myself from a loving and non-judgmental perspective (i.e. meditation) and I was clearly able to see that my responses were child like, full of fear, and reflective of past pain even if they sounded like straight FIYAH coming out. I am not ashamed about it at all, in fact I love the child in me that was trying to protect me or who was hurt and just wanted to feel safe. I understood why it all happened and why the child in me had such a stronghold, but as a woman, I realized I no longer needed that anymore. I held that little girl in my arms and said, "I love you and it is time for you to step aside." It was time for me to be my own boss, President, Goddess, Queen, Empress and you better believe I have crowned myself, elected and inaugurated myself, deified myself, and even gave myself my own business.
Let's be clear, I am not interested in managing, creating, ruling or leading anyone's life except my own. In fact, when I connect with other people, I am connecting with fellow Presidents, Queens, Gods, Goddesses, Emperors and Empresses. Even if you don't consider yourself to be, that is who I am in conversation with. In my mind and heart, I am always communicating with people who are capable of having their own revelations and creating their own magic. This commitment isn't convenient; it takes a grand level of personal responsibility and I wouldn't have it any other way. I notice people can be thrown off by the integrity I am nourishing within myself because I am not going along with their issues...and that's okay. I love them anyway. It is because I love them I can accept them for who they are and because I love myself, I will not be run by anyone.
When you get to this point and start living like a Woman or Man it isn't always easy. It isn't the heart that holds the pain and fear, it is your ego, the little child, your foggy mind. It is your task to see past them. You must know your heart and be brave enough (quiet enough) to listen to it, abide by it. Sometimes we would rather squeeze into our underoos and panties and throw tantrums, threaten, blame and complain than stand up and take responsibility for ourselves, stand in our hearts. Living as a Woman or Man requires that you be true to yourself at all times and not to make decisions out of fear. It requires that you have complete trust in your intuition and the power that you have now taken reigns of and not to wallow in self-doubt. It requires that you embark upon an eternal love affair with yourself and not to sink into low self-esteem. It requires ovaries and balls! Most importantly, it requires you to know yourself, accept yourself and have emotional intelligence.
What is emotional intelligence? Well it is exactly what the scared child within you doesn't have. It is knowing how to be present with your emotions and being able to distinguish what emotions you are experiencing and then addressing them accordingly. It doesn't involve suppression or denial of how you feel nor does it involve judgment. We are supposed to feel. It is a beautiful thing and if you are emotionally intelligent, you put yourself in a true place of power. You are no longer being run. If I am sad or feel loss, I give myself time space and understanding. If I am fearful, I reassure myself and give myself a sense of security, If I am angry, I set boundaries for myself. I am not afraid to feel anything because I know what to do. If feel peace, I fly with it. If I feel joy, I have a party. If I am fearful, I am not going to have a party because that isn't properly addressing how I feel. If I feel joy, I don't need to stop and understand it, I need to let it flow within me and fly.
For me, knowing I have the ability to create life, pushed me to come into this awareness. Being trained as an artist taught me that to make something beautiful, you have to start with a beautiful idea. With my hands I have made a lot of beautiful things in my life. With my mind, I am now making my life beautiful because I know I have the power to do so. Most people will say, "Of course, it all starts in the mind. I knew that!" But my question is what are you doing to make it so for you? Who is really running things in your life? Are you your own boss? How do you stand in your love for yourself? It takes ovaries to be the boss!